Wife Swap: Cullen Family vs Smith Family
by teamcullen1395
Summary: Okay, so I was reading some other wife swap stories and had an idea for one. First fanfic. let me know if it sucks or not. rated T just to be safe. Post BD w/ Renesmee and Jacob.
1. The Cullens Receive the Letter

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything else pertaining to the Twilight Sage. The only characters that are mine are Allie, Caleb, and the Smiths!**

* * *

Esme POV:

"It's here!" Emmett exclaimed, running into the house.

"What?" I asked suspiciously. It was never a good thing when he was excited.

"What did you do?" Edward hissed. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"What?" I looked over at Allie who was frozen in her seat.

"Emmett and Jasper decided it would be an intelligent idea to sign the family up for Wife Swap."

"What?"

"Rose," Emmett said, trying to comfort her, "it's just a show. Jasper made me do it!"

"Did not!"

"Uh huh. You manipulated my feelings."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Allie said quietly. Rose rushed over to put her arm around her. That was a relationship nobody had expected. Maybe because Allie didn't like becoming a vampire either, even though she had Caleb. Both of them had found our family, well, Alice had gone and hunted them down after seeing them in a vision.

"You'll be fine," Alice promised, grinning. "If it makes you feel better, we're going shopping later."

Allie smiled slightly. "A little. Caleb?" It didn't surprise anyone when she automatically asked his opinion. They had fallen in love as humans and were changed at the same time by somebody unknown. He had stalked them down until he was able to get them alone. Allie missed her family terribly, but it was better now that most of them were gone.

He shrugged. "I guess I'm okay with it." He squeezed Allie's hand.

"Allie, you know you can do it," Bella said softly. "Have a little bit of faith in yourself."

"I do." It was true, Allie was just as confident as Rose. Maybe that was another reason they got along so well.

"Yeah," Emmett said. "You're what, like seventy now? Let's see, twenty-one plus fifty-four years is seventy-five. You've got enough self-control that one little tiny human in the house won't overwhelm you. You go to school everyday."

"I know, but I don't live with them."

"You live with Nessie and Jacob."

"Nessie's part vampire, and that dog smells disgusting."

Rosalie laughed and nodded. "When can we get rid of him?"

"Never," Renesmee said, walking through the door. "I love him. What's going on?"

"You're moronic uncles signed us up for Wife Swap."

"Sounds like fun, Blondie," Jacob said. "What's wrong?"

"Besides the fact Caleb and I never lived with a human?" Allie asked sarcastically.

"You guys aren't newborns anymore, so what's the problem?"

"I can understand where they're coming from," Jasper said quietly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," Allie said quickly. "I'm just nervous."

"So the vamp that's as conceited as Blondie has self-esteem issues."

"Watch it, mutt," Rosalie hissed.

"Why are there only two girls in this family that appreciate my presence?"

"I never said I appreciated it," Bella muttered. "I tolerate it for my daughter's sake."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about you, Bella. I meant Esme."

"She doesn't like it either," Alice said.

"Why don't you guys like me?"

"Well, I don't because I can't see as clearly with you around. Rose doesn't like you because you make fun of her. Allie doesn't like you because you because you call her 'Blondie's brunette twin'. Bella doesn't like you because you imprinted on Nessie. And Esme doesn't like you because you leave her house smelling like dog."

"Oh, whatever. And I only called Allie that once. Then had Caleb on me with Emmett just standing there laughing and encouraging him to rip my head off."

"Stop fighting!" I shouted above the noise. "It's too late to do anything about it now, but we'll have to discuss it with Carlisle. Allie, are you going to be okay?"

She nodded. "I wouldn't be surprised if that dog had something to do with it, though."

"Stupid vamp that can copy any other vamps gifts," Jacob muttered.

Edward had him pinned in two seconds. "One, stop with the insults to my sisters. Two, why the hell did you give those two idiots that idea?"

"What did you do, Jacob?" I asked.

"I, uh, said it would be funny to see what would happen if our family was on the show?"

Rosalie growled. "I'm not surprised that you put that idea in their heads, you mutt."

The front door opened.

"Carlisle," Emmett whispered. "Jasper, get it all calmed down."

"No."

"Allie?"

"Never. Emmett, you're my brother and I love you, but you're an idiot."

"What's the point of your stupid ability to copy everyone's gifts if you never use them?" Jacob asked.

"I do use them." Suddenly Jacob was floating.

"Allie, put him down."

"Not me, Esme, I swear."

"Caleb, is it you?"

"I got tired of him insulting Allie and Rose." Jacob started spinning.

"Caleb, can you please put him down."

"Gladly."

"Gently!" It was too late, Jacob ended up sprawled on the floor.

Emmett laughed, but stopped suddenly when Carlisle walked in. "Uh oh. Hi, Dad."

"Who broke what now?" Carlisle asked wearily.

I kissed him quickly before anyone could say anything. "How about everybody sits down before we discuss this rationally." As rationally as a house full of teenaged vampires and a shape-shifter can get.

"Twenty-one," Alice murmured, sitting next to Caleb and Rose on the couch.

"You're not the only one," Emmett complained, plopping down on the other side of Rose. "I'm twenty and she treats me like I'm two."

"Because you act like it," Carlisle said. "Now, Esme, please tell me what happened."

"It appears your sons have decided to sign us up for a reality show." They were in so much trouble.

He looked at Edward and Caleb and seemed surprised. "Were you two with those three, too?"

"How do you know it was us?" Emmett asked.

"Sh, or do we need to go back to the talking stick?"

"Uh, that was broke," Alice said. "Remember, Caleb had it and Emmett wanted to talk so they got into a huge fight over it?"

"Oh, yes. Well, no talking until I call on you. I shouldn't have to do that with ten adults, but I guess I do. So, I'm guessing it was Emmett and Jacob for sure. Jasper you, too?"

"Yes."

"Okay then. What about the girls?"

"No," Bella said. "Just the three geniuses."

"I take that offensively," Jacob said.

"Maybe she meant it offensively, mutt."

"Rosalie, Jacob, stop. Now, I want everyone's opinions on this one at a time. Esme?"

I looked at my children. It was difficult living in a house of twelve, and quite noisy at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way. "I guess I'm okay with it. Just one thing, no doing anything to embarrass your father or I on T.V. He still has to work at the hospital after this is over." I watched as Allie, Alice, and Edward reached across to put a hand on Emmett's mouth before he commented. "Edward?"

"I think they're a bunch of idiots, but it's too late now. Nothing can happen to us, we've got Alice, Jasper, Allie, and I so I think we're safe."

"That reminds me," Carlisle said. "Absolutely no using your gifts on the human. Edward, Alice, I know you can't help it. Bella, I don't think she'd notice yours. The other four, absolutely no messing with her with your gifts. Bella?"

"It's not that bad of an idea. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to blend in a bit more after this."

"Nessie?"

"I love the idea!"

"Alice?"

"Or we could stand out a bit more. Everybody will recognize us after this."

Emmett raised his hand.

"Yes, Emmett?" I asked wearily. I didn't think I wanted to hear what Emmett had to say.

"Can't Allie do her little mind wipe thingy on the humans in that town so it's like they never saw us on T.V.?"

"It's not a mind wipe thingy," Allie said. "The vampire that had that gift explained that you could persuade people to think what you wanted them, too."

"So, you can still persuade them to think that, right?"

"I think so."

"Okay, that's settled."

I sighed, relieved that that was taken care of. "Rose?"

"I married an idiot. Alice married an idiot. Nessie married an idiot. That's all I have to say."

"Rosalie. Allie, what do you think?"

"I…I think it'll be okay."

"Some psychic you are."

"Shut up, Emmett. Alice?"

"It'll be fine," she assured her. "Emmett, you know Allie hasn't mastered that gift yet."

"Thanks," Allie sighed. "As long as it'll be okay."

"Caleb?"

He shrugged. "I'm fine with it, I guess. Just kind of sucks that I can't freak the human out." One of my vases started floating as he laughed.

"Okay, then, I guess it's all agreed on," Carlisle said, scanning the note. "One week from now Esme will leave. Let's go, you have to write the note."

I looked at my children again. Time had flown by so fast, but I was comforted that I had eternity with them. Renesmee was happy and healthy, which made Bella, Edward, and Jacob happy. Alice was her normal hyper self, even more so since Allie joined the family. She had finally found someone that liked to shop as much as her. Allie was over the bitterness she had first felt and enjoyed tormenting Jacob as much as Rose did. Emmett was happy because he now had Caleb to help prank people with, even though Caleb was a bit more mature than him. And Jasper no longer thought of himself as weak. My family was perfect, hectic, but perfect. I'm sure the new mom wouldn't think so, though.

"Let's go," we heard Alice exclaim as we headed upstairs. "We're going shopping!"

I laughed as Bella groaned, some things would never change.

* * *

**Okay, so that's it for now. Please review whether you think its good or terrible. **


	2. The Smiths Recieve the Letter

**Okay, 2 reviews. Thnx guys! To the question from futurecullen26, Allie's and Caleb's purpose is just...IDK. LOL They fit in with the story. Bella has Alice so I thought Rose needed a best friend to understand her, but basically, Allie's everyone's best friend. (This is explained further later)  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or the Twilight characters.  
**

* * *

I smiled and rolled over to face my husband. "Good morning."

"Good morning. Is it 6:30 already?"

"Uh huh. Guess I should go get the kids up soon."

"Yes. I'll go start breakfast."

"Thanks." I got up, prayed, and pulled some clothes out of my closet and ran a brush through my hair. I then walked over to my son's room and tapped lightly on the door. He was fifteen so I began to give him a little privacy, not too much, though. "Nicholas, hon, it's time to wake up, sleepy head." I opened the door and saw him still sprawled across his bed. "Nicholas."

"I'm up, I'm up." He sat up and looked around. "Good morning, Mother."

"Good morning. Kneel down and pray."

"I know. I'll be downstairs in a bit."

I made my way across the hall to my daughter's room and opened the door. "Abigail, it's time to get up." My little ten-year-old did not enjoy getting up in the morning. "Come on, Abigail, it's time for school."

She climbed out of bed and kneeled down to pray. After she was done she turned to me. "Mother, my friends at school call me Abby. Why can't you and Father?"

"Because, dear, nicknames aren't the names you were baptized with. You and Nicholas should go by your full names."

She simply nodded. I loved how my children never talked back to me. I wonder if it was coming today. Please, God, I would love the chance to spread your love to others.

I walked over to her closet and chose her clothes for her.

"Why can't I choose my own clothes, Mother?"

"Because you aren't old enough yet. When you're fifteen like Nicholas you can start."

She simply nodded again and pulled her clothes over her head then brought me her hairbrush. "Thank you, Mother."

"Your welcome. Now let's go see what's for breakfast."

"Daddy!" She jumped into Michael's arms. "What's for breakfast?"

I cleared my throat and he put her down. "Abigail."

"Oh, sorry. Good morning, Father. What's for breakfast?"

"Pancakes. Go sit down."

After breakfast I drove my kids to school then went about my day. My husband walked in that evening with good news.

"We've been excepted."

I smiled and called the kids. "Kids, sit down. Now, the Lord has blessed us with some good news. I will be able to go help a family learn about His love, and you will be able to teach their mother about His love."

"How's that, Mother?" Abigail asked curiously. She's going to make such a good follower of God. Always curious and ready to learn.

"Well, your father and I entered us in Wife Swap. We've been chosen and a week from now I will leave and another woman will come here to take care of you. Now, I expect you to treat her with the same respect you show me, okay?"

"Yes, Mother."

"Okay, now, any more homework?"

"No."

"Okay, dinner will be ready soon, go wash up."

"Yes, Mother." I smiled as the walked calmly upstairs. We raised such good, obedient children.

"They took that well," Michael said. "I love you, Darlene."

"I love you, too. Let's just hope I can find a good Church around there or else I'll be lost."

He smiled. "I know you'll do fine. Does it say where your going?"

"Forks, Washington. Never heard of it." I pulled an Atlas off the shelf. "The Olympic Peninsula."

"It rains often there."

"I don't think it will be much like Texas, then, will it?"

"I doubt it."

"I'll pull through it with God's help. We've got a week to pack and plan."

"You also have to write a note to the new mother."

"I'll do that when the children are in bed." I smiled as they walked downstairs and headed into the dining room. It was going to be great.

* * *

**Okay, so the Smiths' chpts are going to be a bit shorter than the Cullens' for now. There are just so many more people in the Cullen Family.**


	3. Esme Says Goodbye

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

**Okay, thnx for the reviews and adding me to story alert and favorites! And to answer MirandaFan89's question, Allie and Caleb have been with them for like 50 something years. I wanted them to be old enough so they won't be tempted by human blood. I'll give you more of a history at the bottom.  
**

* * *

"I'll be going soon, kids," Esme called from the living room. I let Caleb pull me downstairs. I don't know why I was so worried, the future was fine for both Alice and me.

"You okay?" Caleb asked quietly, hugging me. For a second I felt almost like I was human again and we were at my house. Any second someone would walk in and the noise would begin, but all I got was Jacob shouting from downstairs.

"I'll be fine." I kissed him just as Emmett can barreling down the stairs. At least some things wouldn't change, but I wish it was my older sister interrupting us rather then Emmett. I loved them all like crazy, but they just weren't my human family.

"Let's go, Allie!" Emmett said, pulling me downstairs. He grabbed Bella who was lingering on the landing, and we had no choice but to follow.

Bella immediately went to Edward, who put his arm around her.

"Stop worrying," Jasper whispered as he walked past me. "Everything will be fine."

I wasn't worrying, just being a little depressed. Okay, maybe I was a little worried. What if Alice was right?

Jasper tried to calm me, so I counteracted it with as much excitement as Iould muster, so he wouldn't be able to stand still. He was still fidgeting when Alice came in.

"Allie?"

He nodded._Sucks when my own gift is used against me._

I grinned and Edward laughed.

_I swear I'm going to ki-buy Allie a new car when this is over._

"Aw, thanks."

"She gets a new car but not me?" Alice said, pretending to pout.

"I'll get you one, too," Jasper promised. "What about your Porsche?"

"I can have two cars, can't I?"

"Of course."

"Allie, it's not nice to control your brother," Carlisle tried to chastise. He couldn't help but smile.

"But it's funny," Rose said from the couch. "Hey, does that work on Bella?"

"Nope," Bella said, grinning. "Shield, remember?"

"Yeah, but so is Allie."

"So, that's not always a good thing. Remember, Emmett?"

Emmett laughed. I remembered. Mental shield against mental shield equals one huge headache. Emmett had wanted to see whose shield would win out in the end, neither one did.

Edward rolled his eyes, so I slipped my shield over my mind.

_No fair!_

"Not very fun, now is it?" I smiled sweetly.

Bella laughed. "You're blocking him and reading his mind, aren't you?"

"Yep."

"Serves you right."

Esme cleared her throat. "Let's go over our story. Who are the Cullens?"

"Me, Edward, Nessie, and Caleb," Alice said. "Edward and Nessie are twins. You adopted them first. Then the others. Then me. Then the others. Then Caleb."

"Me and Nessie are sixteen," Edward said. "Caleb and Alice are seventeen."

"McCartys?"

"Me, Bella, and Allie," Emmett said.

"We were the second ones you adopted," Bella added. "Emmett's the oldest, then Allie, then me."

"Yes, I'm finally older than you," Emmett said, grinning.

Allie rolled her eyes. "He's eighteen, I'm seventeen, and Bella's sixteen. We're your nieces and nephews."

"Hales?"

"Jasper and I," Rosalie sighed, getting tired of repeating the story for the tenth time. It was the same one we used for school. "We're both eighteen. Carlisle's niece and nephew."

"And Jacob, you're still Black. Got it?"

"Got it. I'm eighteen, right?"

"Yes, but you have to be careful around Nessie."

"Why?"

"Because you could get arrested for dating a minor," Caleb said, rolling his eyes. He thought Jacob would've already know that.

"He should have," Edward said.

"Should have what?"

"Known it was illegal to date a minor."

"Oh, well, technically she's not."

"She looks sixteen and you look twenty-something."

"I'm pretending to be eighteen."

"Technically you're an adult and she's a minor."

"Oh, I guess I get your point."

"No you don't," I said, grinning. "You're as confused as ever."

"A little."

Rosalie laughed. "How hard is it to get, mutt? You and Nessie can not date while the human is here. Do you get it now?"

"Actually, none of you can share rooms," Carlisle said.

"But we can still date?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, but that's it. Jacob, don't worry about Nessie. You two are fine at school. What now, Emmett?"

"I call Caleb and Jasper in my room!"

"And leave me with the dog?" Edward asked. "No thank you."

"I'm not putting you three in a room," Carlisle said. "We wouldn't have a house. Emmett has his own because whoever I put him with the house will be destroyed."

"Not with Jacob."

"With Jacob he'll be destroyed. Edward, you're the most excepting of Jacob."

"What about Caleb?"

"Hey, I don't want Allie complaining that I smell like dog," Caleb said. "Bella won't complain that much."

"Ew, why's my husband the one that gets to smell like dog?" Bella asked. "No offence, Jacob, but you stink. Jasper can."

"Enough!" Carlisle exclaimed. "Let's get this over with so you can change rooms before everybody gets here. Edward and Jacob. Caleb and Jasper. Emmett by himself. Allie and Rosalie. Alice, Bella, and Renesmee. This way I think the house will still be standing." He knew that the house would still be standing if he put any of the girls together, but he wasn't exactly sure. Who knew how much Alice and I or Alice and Rose would spend if any of us got to spend all night together. Bella and I would practically move the library into our room. Renesmee and I, he didn't know with us but it was probably better not thought about. Rose and I got along and wouldn't spend too much money.

"Too much?" Edward asked, reading the same thoughts I was.

"Not as much as Alice and Allie or Alice and Rose," he explained. "Put all three together and I think even we would be broke."

"No," Alice defended. "We go shopping every week and look how much we still have left."

"True." He was still thinking it, but I knew better than to mess with his or Esme's thoughts. Jacob's now….

_I should send random hyperness at Jacob_. I grinned as Jasper's thoughts changed. If I sent the same feelings and messed with his thoughts a little….

_Allie, wait until Esme's gone to mess with him._ That was Edward. Why?

_**To make him seem like a total psycho?**_ All team up against him? I grinned. It was amazing.

"Are we missing a little mental conversation?" Emmett asked loudly, eyeing mine and Caleb's hands which were apart right now. Thanks to Nessie's gift I could have a mental conversation with anyone, but it was kind of obvious with anyone except for me and Caleb or me and Edward. He knew that Edward and I were planning something.

"Nope," I said. "Just reading your thoughts about not being able to share a room with Rose for a week."

"Same," Edward said. "I think you're literally about to go crazy."

"Okay, let's get back on task," Carlisle sighed. "Boys, go fix the beds up. Girls, change the closets."

"Whose room do we get?" Renesmee asked.

"You three can have Alice and Jasper's. Emmett, just stay in yours and Rose. Rose and Allie can take Allie's and Caleb's. Edward and Jacob can take his and Bella's. Jasper and Caleb can take-"

"We're not sleeping in the room that smells like dog," Jasper complained before he could finish. "I get why the three girls get mine and Alice's. It's the biggest. Technically Nessie and Jacob's room is the smallest, so shouldn't Emmett get it?"

"That's a good point. Emmett?"

"Okay." He was thinking about ways how to mess with it. "I have a question, though. I know about Edward and Bella. They have Nessie so they have to had. What about Allie and Caleb? Why do they even share a room?"

"We're married," Caleb growled.

"Aw, but you guys had such good morals before that."

"Shut the hell up, Emmett," I said.

"Aw, is Allie mad?"

"I'd be careful if I were you, Emmett," Alice warned, grinning.

"Allie," Carlisle warned. "Get moving. Figure something out for the rooms."

"Actually," Alice said, "there's beds in the garage. Thanks to the dog, I couldn't see exactly why I would need them, but that we would." She glared at Jacob. "Caleb, why don't you move the beds upstairs while Allie moves the clothes?"

"Esme, I believe our children our getting lazy," Carlisle said, rolling his eyes. "Two telekinesis in one house could never be a good thing."

"Technically I'm not one. Eleazar couldn't figure out what I was."

"Just get moving. And Allie and Caleb are not to do all the work. Jacob either, Emmett."

"Aw!"

"I have ten children who can lift minivans without a problem, but don't want to carry a couple of things across the hall."

It didn't take us long to move everything around. It would've taken us less if Esme hadn't made me stop moving Rose's clothes into mine and Caleb's closet my way, but oh well.

The cameramen came, and I laughed at their thoughts about the girls, and even some about the guys, especially Edward. He freaked out when he heard them, so Bella blocked them. So unfair. I would've done it and still been able to read their thoughts.

Esme stepped forwards to say goodbye to us. I tried to listen to Emmett's thoughts to keep me from getting too emotional. Kind of hard with Jasper's gift.

"I'll miss you guys," Esme called from the limo.

"Shopping time!" Alice exclaimed. I automatically smiled. A few hours at the mall would make me feel better. It's not that I was always dressed up, I just like to shop. Not as much as Alice, though.

I turned to Caleb. "Are you coming with or staying with the guys?"

He smiled and shrugged. "I'll come if you want." _Are you okay now?_

_**Yeah, I think so. Just you hugging me earlier reminded me so much of my house. I was waiting to be interrupted by one of the brats.**_

_Yeah, I know what you mean. I love you._

_**Love you, too.**_

_**You know I can hear everything you're thinking, right?**_

_Then stay out of it, Edward. Nobody said you had to listen._

I put my shield around Caleb and me so Edward would butt out. Sometimes I'd rather hang out with Emmett rather than Edward and Jasper no matter how immature he can be. Those two were just _too _sympathetic, not that it was a bad thing. Edward backed off a little bit after I showed him what Caleb did when I got like that, but I still saw him looking at me sympathetically sometimes. Caleb let me think things through by myself and just sat there showing moral support. Everyone said I was a lot like Rose, and soon I would stop hurting constantly over losing my human family. It still killed me that I never got to see my nephew make it past his ninth birthday, but it was slowly getting better. I just missed his silliness and smile.

"You coming, Allie?" Alice asked. "I need help dragging Bella into the car."

"Let's go, Bella. Let's go see if Border's restocked from last time we visited."

She grinned at that and climbed a little more willingly into the car.

It was kind of weird the way I bonded with everybody so quickly. Carlisle thought it might be a part of my gift. The way I copied everybody's powers and the way I got along so well with everybody.

"Caleb can go in the guys' car, Allie. And before you ask, Bella, so can Edward."

"All the guys are going?" Nessie asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. I can't exactly see very clearly right now. Can you, Allie?"

I tried to concentrate but all I could see was blurriness. "Jacob's going to be there."

"Yay!"

"Nessie, I love you, but…."

"What, Aunt Allie?"

That stopped me. I smiled slightly. "Thanks, Nessie." I reached across Bella to hug her.

"No problem. What did I do?"

Bella just shook her head when I didn't answer right away. "Allie misses her nephew, and she likes that somebody still calls her aunt."

"Edward tell you?" I asked.

"Yeah. How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "Better. It'll make me even better if we beat the guys to the mall."

"No problem," Rose said. She grinned and sped ahead of the guys.

* * *

**Okay, so Allie and Caleb fell in love when both of them were still human. They were changed by a vampire whom nobody k****nows. Alice saw them in a vision and found them and brought them back to Carlisle. Caleb has telekinesis and Allie can copy any other vampire's power that she meets. Allie is basically everyone's best friend (I explained this in this chpt), but she's closet to Rose because of her feelings about being a vampire. Caleb missed his family, but didn't mind as much as Allie. Both of them are fine with it now, but Allie still feels like a homesickness sometimes.**


	4. Darlene Says Goodbye

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

**Okay, since the Smith's chpts are kind of short for now, I'll just post and Cullen and a Smith chpt in the same day. This might change if their chpts get longer.  
**

* * *

"Kids, I'm going soon," Mom yelled from downstairs.

I groaned and rolled out of bed. Hopefully the new mom would be a little less strict. I seriously wanted to quit the math club and join football or something. I knew Abby was dying to try out for the play that the fifth grade was putting on, but my mom thought that was blasphemes I guess.

"Nicholas."

"Coming, Mother." And the mother thing; most guys in the tenth grade called their mothers mom. Even Abby wasn't allowed to call Dad Daddy. That was so sad. He let her call him that when Mom wasn't around.

Abby met me at the top of the stairs and looked at me hopefully. "The new mom is going to be better than ours, right?"

"I hope so, Abs. Want a piggyback ride?"

She grinned and climbed on my back.

"Nicholas, put her down," Mom yelled. "You'll both get hurt. There's no need to be so rough."

"Sorry, Mother." I let her down and looked around the rooms at the cameras. "So, goodbye, Mother."

"Goodbye, Nicholas." I let her pull me into a hug.

"Bye, Mother," Abby said quietly, hugging her. I knew she was twice as glad as me to get rid of her for two weeks.

"Bye, Abigail."

"Goodbye, Darlene," Dad said, hugging her. "Have a safe trip and a fun time."

"Oh, I intend on it. I found a Church that's in town. I think I'll be just fine there."

We waited until she was down the block before starting to goof around. Dad swung Abby around and led us into the kitchen.

"Pizza for lunch?" Abby asked excitedly.

"Of course," Dad said. "We're going to go hang out at the mall for awhile. Nick, I want to talk to you…later."

I nodded. I understood that meant when Abby was running around at the mall being a normal kid for once.

"So, Nick," Dad said, watching as Abby ran into the arcade. He had given me money, too, but stopped me before I could go. "You know I love your mother, right?"

"Yeah, sure, Dad."

"You know I don't regret marrying her or having you guys, right?"

"Yeah."

"You know I love God and believe in everything the Church teaches?"

"Yeah, you just don't take it to extremes."

"That's one way to put it. Just so you know I love you kids and your mother more than anything. Go ahead and have some fun."

"Thanks Dad." I heard some guys from school calling to me and headed over to them. Abby was playing some game with some other girl, and Dad was just hanging back watching us. I knew it was going to be a good two weeks. A new mom, a normal dad, perfect.


	5. Meeting the Cullens

**Okay, sorry I haven't updated in a few days, I've been really really busy. Thanks for all the reviews and story alerts and adding the story to your favorites. You guys are awesome! Sry about not posting whose POV it's in, I'll start doing that from now on. **

* * *

DARLENE'S POV

The limo had been driving in the forest for what seemed like forever before finally pulling in front of a huge white mansion. It was huge. I could already tell what this family would be like. A spoiled princess daughter who's her daddy's little girl. An unnoticed teenaged boy who has every videogame known to man plus some who acts out to get attention away from his bratty sister. No, I wouldn't think this way. It was wrong of me to judge them before I met them.

"Mrs. Smith, you getting out?"

"Oh, yes." I hurried into the house and my jaw immediately dropped. "Oh my goodness." One whole wall was glass, and the living room was just amazing. I wandered upstairs and opened the first door. A bedroom. Three beds. Okay, three girls, I could handle that easily. "Oh, no. This closet will simply not do. Three girls, teenagers from the looks of these clothes, I can do. Three girls who are most likely going to be extremely attached to these clothes are a different story."

I opened the next door. Two more beds. The same huge closet this time with men's clothes. "Teenaged boys, I assume. I can handle five kids. No problem. We just need to get rid of these clothes."

I opened the next door. "How many kids does this family have? Two more teenaged girls? This closet's just as bad as the other girls."

The next room was the master bedroom. Then there was another room with one bed.

"Okay, eight kids. A little hard, but fine. I can do this."

I walked up the last flight of stairs.

"No way. No way this family has ten teenagers. I need to read that letter."

I opened another door and saw an office. Probably the father's. The next door was a library with shelves of books. It probably wasn't used much. The next door had me standing in shock. It was a game room.

"There's no way on earth those kids play all these games. Even with ten of them this is unnecessary."

I practically ran into the kitchen, but another door caught my eye. The garage. "All of these cars cannot be healthy for the environment! My family has two cars. My car, and my husband's. No, no, no, no. It looks like every kid has their own car plus some. And motorcycles? There is no way these parents let their kids drive _those _death traps." I walked into the kitchen and read the letter, commenting aloud every so often.

_Dear New Mom,_

_My name is Esme Cullen, and I want to welcome you to my home. You've probably seen the size and bedrooms and you're wondering how many kids we actually have. My husband, Carlisle, and I have adopted ten kids. They're ages range from sixteen to eighteen. _

"Oh, no, that can't be good. Sixteen to eighteen? And all adopted?" I sighed and continued to read.

_Carlisle is a doctor, and we have several stocks that have been quite successful._

_Running my house is quite simple. I wake up at 6:00 every morning. The kids can get themselves up. When they're at school, I clean the house and do the shopping. The kids come home from school and the rest of the evening is kind of unpredictable. With my kids, anything can happen._

"That doesn't sound good. I really hope she doesn't mean anything."

_Okay, so, now I should probably tell you my kids names. We adopted Edward and Renesmee(Nessie) first. They're both 16 and twins. They have the bronze hair. Next came Emmett(18), Allie(17), and Bella(16). They are my nieces and nephews. They're the dark haired ones. Then came Alice. She's 16 and has black hair. (I'm telling you this because they get upset when they're mixed up.) Next was Rosalie and Jasper, twins. They're 18 and have blonde hair. Next is Caleb, who's 17. His hair is lighter brown than the other three. Lastly is Jacob. He's 18 and Native American. My children date. Edward and Bella. Emmett and Rose. Alice and Jasper. Nessie and Jacob. Allie and Caleb._

"She allows her children to date each other! That's just morally wrong!" I calmed myself down and continued reading.

_The kids can be found basically anywhere in the house during the day. Bella and Allie are in the library a lot. Rose and Jacob are in the garage. You just have to call, and they should come right away._

_If it seems like you miss something, don't worry, I get that feeling all the time. They like to annoy each other, but it usually doesn't get _too_ far out of hand. Except with Rose and Allie. They like to antagonize Jacob, Rose more so. I've told them to lay off him. Well, good luck with my family for the week._

_Sincerely,_

_Esme Cullen_

_P.S. Bella and Allie only go by Bella and Allie. Don't try using their full names on them._

"They antagonize their brother. That boy cannot have very good self-esteem being bullied all the time." I stopped talking when I heard cars coming up the driveway. It was time to meet the family.

I walked outside to see a sliver Volvo and a red BMW pull up at an incredible speed. Note to self, talk about safe driving.

"We so won," a girl said, sliding out of the BMW. It must have been the one with the long name. Her hair was a bronze-ish color.

"No!" The boy climbing out of the Volvo was probably Edward. I glanced down at the letter. Yeah, they were twins. "The only reason you guys won was because Rose drives like a psycho."

"Please," the blonde girl driving the BMW said. "You just need to get a real car."

"Don't talk about my Volvo like that."

"Dude, we should've taken my Jeep." That was probably Emmett. He was huge. The next one was even bigger. Jacob.

"Where's Carlisle at?" That had to be Allie or Bella. I needed to find out their full names. Probably Allison and Isabella.

"He'll be here in a minute." That had to be Alice. "There he is."

A black Mercedes pulled up and a blonde man stepped out. "Children, I noticed you neglected to welcome our company."

Allie or Bella shrugged. "We were waiting for you."

"You must be Darlene." He turned to me.

I struggled with coherency for a minute. The taller of the dark haired girls and Edward were smirking, like I was amusing them. They immediately stopped. "Yes, that's, uh, me." Everyone of them, including the boys, were extremely beautiful. "You must be Carlisle."

"Yes, and these are my children. Guys, introduce yourselves."

The dark haired girl who had been smirking stepped forward, pulling a boy with her. That was probably Caleb so she had to be Allie. "I'm Allie." She smiled sweetly in a way that made me distrust her. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Smith."

That made a couple of them snicker. "And you are?"

"I'm Caleb. Hi."

"Hello."

"I'm Alice!" She looked sort of like a pixie. For some reason Allie and Edward laughed. "And that's Jasper."

"Hello, ma'am," Jasper said, nodding. He opened the trunk of the Porsche and started pulling bags out. I refused to look at them until I had met all the kids.

"I'm Nessie! And this is Jacob." She pulled the big Native American guy around to the front of the car. She looked sixteen maybe seventeen and he looked about twenty-seven. Their mother had said he was only eighteen, but looking at him….

The big guy, probably Emmett, hugged me. "I'm Emmett! It's so nice to meet you, new Mommy."

"Emmett," the blonde girl scolded. She looked at me in what looked like disgust. "Rosalie."

"I'm Bella."

"Edward."

"Allie, Bella, Nessie? What are your real names?"

"Allie, Bella, and Nessie." Allie rolled her eyes.

"No, I mean your full names. Your mom mentioned I shouldn't call you two by anything other than that, and she put Nessie in parenthesis."

"Because we don't like Allison and Isabella," Bella said, rolling her eyes. "Nobody calls us that. And Nessie's real name is Renesmee. You can call her either."

"Okay. So it's Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Renesmee, Jacob, Edward, Caleb, Allison, and Isabella?" The girls glared at me. "Why don't we discuss this inside. It's getting sort of cold, isn't it?"

"Boys, bags," Alice said, walking in the house. I finally got a look at the bags. There was a huge pile of them.

"We've done better," Renesmee whispered as she walked past. "We only had two hours to shop today. Careful with my shoes, Jacob Black!" He nodded and moved a bag over.

Only two hours? All of that would've taken several hours and several hundred dollars. "Um, Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Do you allow your girls to spend as much as they like?"

"Like you said, we should discuss this inside."

I was sitting in a chair in the living room when the first argument started.

"Carlisle, Bella locked herself in the library and won't come out," Caleb called down the stairs.

"Ow!" Emmett yelled. "She let Allie in."

Carlisle sighed and walked upstairs, I followed behind.

"Girls, I'll give you to the count of three to come out or I'm sending Emmett in. One, two-"

"We're not scared of Emmett," Allie called.

"I'll send Jacob in."

The door flew open and Allie ran to Caleb. "Don't let the mutt touch me!"

"You call your brother a mutt?"

Allie shrugged. "You're point?"

"It's wrong."

Bella shrugged and walked over to Edward.

"I thought Rose and Allison antagonized him."

"Rose and Allie do, but I'm not sure about Allison."

"Okay," Carlisle said, "downstairs. Now."

I was surprised to see the kids comply and walked downstairs. Suddenly Edward, Allie, and Caleb laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Something," Caleb said.

"Caleb."

"Sorry, Carlisle."

Downstairs the kids all gave me the same cold looks, except for Allie and Emmett, who continued to smile like little angels.

"So, what clubs are you kids in?"

"None," Bella said indifferently.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we are not in any clubs."

"What do you guys do after school?"

"Shop!" Alice said.

"That's it?"

"We play video games, and go on our laptops, and Bella and Allie are in the library all the time, and Rose and Jacob are in the garage," Emmett explained. "No need for clubs."

"Video games are a waste of time."

"No! No! No!"

"Emmett," Carlisle sighed. "Can one of you two calm him down?"

Jasper stood up and put his hand on his shoulder. "Relax, Em, she can't take them away yet."

"Now, back to the whole shopping thing. How much did you guys spend today?"

"Only twenty-five hundred," Alice said defensively. "We only had two hours before Carlisle wanted us home." She started to pout.

"We'll go shopping again later," Allie promised.

"So…what are you guys like?"

"Allie has multiple personality disorder," Emmett said. "Bella's suicidal. So's Edward. Jasper's emo. Jacob needs anger management. Alice is a shopoholic. Nessie a real animal lover."

"Emmett, enough," Carlisle said. "I can assure you none of my children have any of those disorders. And Nessie favorite animal is a dog."

Everyone but Jacob and Renesmee started laughing at that.

I sighed and something on the wall caught my eye. "Is that a cross?"

"Yes," Carlisle said. "Many hundreds of years old."

"That reminds me. Do you guys go to Church?"

"Nope," Emmett said. "Sunday we all…sleep in."

"Oh, okay." My eyes landed on Allie's necklace. "I thought you guys weren't religious. Allison, can I see your cross?"

"We're not," Carlisle explained when Allie refused to move. "Allie?"

"Yes?"

"She was talking to you."

She shrugged. "She asked if she could see my necklace. She can't." She turned her face into Caleb's chest, and Bella put a hand on her shoulder.

"Must you upset her like that?" she snapped.

"Bella," Carlisle warned. "Can we please get through this without another incident? This is going to be on T.V., remember?"

"So?" Rosalie asked.

"People from school are going to see this."

"So? We already cause a lot of talk." She flipped her hair over her shoulder as if to emphasize what they were talking about. I had a feeling once rule change came there would be a lot of run-ins with her. I already had a list of rules that needed to be changed.

"What time is their curfew?"

"Curfew?" Carlisle asked, looking honestly confused.

"What time do they need to be home by?"

"Oh, uh, we don't worry about that too much. Just as long as they let us know their safe." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I have lots of paper work that needs to be done. If anybody needs me I'll be in my office. Allie, I want to talk to you later."

She stood up and hugged him. When she pulled back he sighed and nodded.

"I thought that would be it. Well, just don't break the rules."

"What rules?" I asked.

Allie shrugged. "That's none of your business. I'll be in the library."

"Wait up," Bella said. She kissed Edward and followed Allie upstairs.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked. "She seemed really upset."

Emmett shrugged. "She's had the hardest time getting over the lost of he-our family. Esme leaving just made it harder for her."

"We all miss her," Jacob said. "Nothing to freak about."

"Shut up, mutt," Rosalie snapped. "You just don't get it, do you?" She stalked out to the garage. "Don't bother me I'm working on the new car's engine! No, mutt, you can't help."

"And her?"

"Same thing as Allie."

"So they have abandonment issues?" Did Caleb just growl?

Edward coughed. "Caleb, maybe you should go check on Allie. She seemed really upset."

"Yeah, that might be good idea. Jasper, you want to come help. She might not want to listen to reason right now."

"I'll come with," Alice said, hopping up.

"I'll be with Rose," Emmett said, walking out to the garage. "I'd stay away for awhile of I were you, Jacob. From all the girls."

"So," Renesmee said, trying to break the silence. "Um, what are your kids like?"

"Oh, Nicholas and Abigail are just perfect. They love their clubs and Sunday School. They always go to Church without complaint."

"How old are they?"

"Nicholas is fifteen, and Abigail is ten."

After awhile Renesmee and Jacob wandered into the kitchen to make dinner for themselves. I walked in to see Jacob devouring his food and Renesmee pushing the remainder of hers around on her plate.

"What are the others going to eat?"

"They'll eat whenever they feel like it."

"You don't eat together?"

"Nope." She dumped the rest of her food and watched while Jacob took another helping.

"You're not hungry?"

"Uh, no."

"You barely ate though. It looked like you took two bites."

She shrugged. "I'm going to go see where everyone is. See you later." She left Jacob still eating and me watching while trying not to get sick. I've never seen a boy eat like that. When he was finished he put his plate in the dishwasher and went back into the living room to watch T.V.

"You're not hanging out with the others?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Blondie's looking for a reason to kill me, and Caleb, Blondie, or Bella will kill me if I upset Allie anymore. That is if Allie isn't up to doing it herself, which she might be by now."

"Who's Blondie?"

"Rosalie."

"Oh, okay." I went to my room and took my Bible out of my bag. I read until I was hungry, ate dinner, then read some more. By 11:00 I heard showers starting and goodnights being yelled across the halls. I showered then decided to check on the kids. Renesmee was buried under the covers much like Abigail usually is, Bella was asleep with her earphones in, and Alice looked like she was half-asleep, half-awake, so I decided not to bother her. Emmett was sprawled across his whole bed snoring loudly with some kind of heavy metal blaring from his speakers. I decided to leave it just in case that's how he slept. Edward and Jacob were both asleep, as were Jasper and Caleb. Rosalie and Allie looked asleep, but had music playing softly and their laptops still open but the screensavers up. I decided they had just dropped off without shutting them down. I went to bed and slept as soundly as I could in a new surrounding.


	6. Meeting the Smiths

Esme POV

The limo pulled up into a modest, two-story house. This was nothing like my house, but still was very neat. I hurried into the house like any other human would do in the rain.

The living room was simple. The first thing I noticed was four bibles on the table. A religious family. I married a preacher's son and yet we never went to Church. I had to laugh at that thought.

I made my way upstairs. The first door was the master bedroom. Another bible on the nightstand along with two rosaries and a cross on the wall. Other than that, it was generic. I opened the closet and my first thought was that Alice would throw a fit.

The next room was a bathroom. My girls would die (metaphorically) at the thought of having one bathroom. Across the hall was another bedroom.

"Hm, I think this is a teenaged boys." I looked at the textbooks on the desk. Underneath was a picture of a teenaged boy holding hands with a girl. From how it was hidden I don't think his parents knew. "I should probably put this back."

The last room was a little girl's room. It was nothing like Nessie's rooms as she grew up. Little girls should be able to be creative and design their own rooms. "I don't think these children are anything like children." Besides the fact that they were all plain, each room had a rosary and cross.

I walked into the small kitchen and picked up the letter.

_Dear New Mom,_

_My name is Darlene Smith. My husband is Michael and my children are Nicholas(15) and Abigail(10). Both are sweet children who are obedient._

_Every morning I get up at 6:30. I wake up Nicholas by knocking on the door and walking in when he answers. I then wake Abigail up. I pick out her clothes and brush her hair. I usually don't have to remind them about prayers, but I still do anyway._

"That doesn't seem like she has much trust in her children."

_Michael makes breakfast then I bring my kids to school. I drop Nicholas off by the front door then walk Abigail into her classroom._

_I then proceed with my volunteer work. I help out at the Church on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are spent at Abigail's school. Saturday is Family Day. Sunday is Church._

"Wow, that sounds repetitious."

_After school my kids go to whatever clubs they need to. They do not play sports unless it is at Church. I believe team sports are too competitive. Both are in Math Club. They also have youth groups three times a week at the Church. Abigail might ask you about acting, but you must be firm and say no._

"That doesn't seem fair. I doubt she's like my daughter with her acting."

_I believe you should only act like yourself. That brings me to nicknames. We do not use them in my house._

"Poor Bella and Allie."

_Homework is to be done immediately when they get home. I help Abigail with hers and Nicholas must show me what he's done so I can check it. I hold high standards for my children, and they must meet them._

"That seems incredibly strict. I wonder what the husband's part is in this?"

_That should be it. My children know the rules and their schedules. Don't worry about them being dishonest because they never lie to me. Also, there is absolutely under no circumstances to be a television, computer, cell phone, or video game under my roof ever. _

"Wow, I wonder what my kids are going to go through this week." They wouldn't know what to do if they didn't have all of that.

_There are dictionaries, encyclopedias, and other research books that they are to be supervised while using. Abigail tells me what she needs looked up, and I do it for her. I just look over Nicholas's shoulder while he does it. I think that's all._

_God Bless,_

_Darlene Smith _

_P.S. I'm not sure what the rules at your house are, but Nicholas is not allowed to date or go to his school dances._

"What is she trying to do to these kids? Her husband was mentioned twice in this letter. I have no idea whatsoever about what he does. And Math Club? I'll have to see what the kids are into. I probably should ask Nicholas about that girl, too. I wonder what they think about the no nicknames rule." I heard a car pull up and made my way to the front door.

A man, Michael, stepped out of the driver's seat. He had dark hair that was going gray at the sides. No wonder with that wife of his. A boy got out of the passenger side and opened the door for a little girl. Nicholas and Abigail had their father's dark hair and facial features. All three would be considered good looking for humans.

"Hello," Michael said. "I'm Michael. And this is Nick, excuse me, Nicholas and Abigail. Kids, say hello."

"Hi," Abigail said, smiling at me sweetly.

"Hi."

"Hey," Nicholas said. His father called him Nick, but I wondered which one he preferred.

"How was your afternoon?"

"Good," Abigail said. "We went to the mall. Woops, don't tell Mother. Da-Father took us out because they said we had to leave so you could get comfortable. Are you?"

"Of course. Thank you for asking."

"You're welcome. The guest room is in the basement. Did you find it?"

"I wasn't down there, but I think they put my bags down there. Why don't you show me where it is. Is that alight, Michael?"

"Yes, that's fine. I'll be in my room working. It's very important. Kids, help…I'm sorry, I didn't ask your name. Please forgive my rudeness.

Emmett would be yelling whipped right now. "Esme Cullen, and don't worry about it. Since you're so busy, we can get acquainted at dinner. What would you guys like?"

"You're letting us pick?" Nicholas asked in shock. He seemed unwilling to trust me, but still a little hopeful. What I wouldn't give to have one of my gifted kids here to tell me what he was feeling and thinking.

"Of course. Your mother knows what you like, but I don't. Don't worry, I'll catch on before this is over."

"Um, can we have spaghetti?" Abigail asked.

"Of course. Is that okay with you two?"

"Yes," Michael said. "Nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen."

"Please call me Esme." Emmett would be having a blast with this poor man, but I felt sorry for him.

"Can I help?" Abigail asked, looking between me and her father.

"Of course, sweetie, as long as you won't be a nuisance to Mrs. Cullen."

"Will I Mrs. Cullen?"

"Of course not. And you two can call me Esme, too."

"Mother said we're not to call adults by their first name."

"Well you can with me, okay?"

"Okay."

"And Nicholas, would you like to help or do you have other things you would like to do instead?" I tried to make it very clear he had a choice.

"No thank you, Esme. I'll be up in my room so just call if you need me."

"Okay, thank you. It was nice to meet both of you. I'll get you when dinner's done."

"Thank you."

"It's a little early for dinner," I said after Abigail showed me my room. "You want to show me around?"

"Okay."

"I poked my head into a few rooms earlier, but I didn't look around much."

She nodded. "That's Mother and D-Father's room. Sh, we shouldn't go in there until he says it's okay. He doesn't like us bothering us when he says he's busy. That's usually when Mother isn't home, though. And that's the bathroom. We have a schedule so Nicholas and I don't argue over it."

"What's your punishment if you argue?"

"No desert and Confession."

"Just for one little argument?"

"Uh huh. Mother says one argument can lead to fighting and hatred."

"My kids argue all the time."

"What is your family like?"

"I'll tell you as soon as we're done with the tour, okay? Maybe we can get Nicholas to join us, too."

"I don't think so. He spends a lot of time in his room, too. He…." She immediately stopped talking and blushed. "He let's me in there with him while he works." It sounded like she worded it very carefully. "Nick?"

"Come in, Abs." He spun around in his chair and looked at us. "Oh, hi, Esme."

"Hello, Nicholas, or do you prefer Nick?"

"Doesn't matter. You might not want to try to do too much this first week, you're supposed to be living by our mother's rules."

"I know, but it seems like such a trivial rule." I didn't miss how he said 'our mother's rules.'

"It's kind of stupid." He looked at Abby.

"I won't tell," she promised, sitting on his bed and swinging her legs. "Neither will Esme, right?"

"Of course not. You guys can't use that word?"

"No," Nick said. "Our mother is very strict on language."

"My kids have used a lot worse words on each other, let alone to describe a rule. Why just the other day I had to stop my daughters from calling my son a mutt." I laughed. That was mainly what they called Jacob, but he could handle himself pretty well. Probably because he knew none of them really meant it and would kill for him twice as often as they would kill him.

"They called him a mutt?" Abby looked confused.

"They were just being silly."

"Do you have a picture?"

"Yes, I do. Do you want to show me your room first, or see the picture?"

"You've already seen my room. It's unimpressive. Let's go. Nick, are you coming with?"

He thought for a minute. "Yeah, I'll come."

"Wow, they're pretty," Abby said. "Even the boys."

"Boys can't be pretty, Abby," Nicholas said, looking over her shoulder.

"These ones are."

"These are all your kids?"

"Yes. My daughter had my husband take this picture right before I left. There should be one of him in here somewhere. Here it is."

"What are their names?"

"Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Renesmee, Bella, Edward, Jacob, Allie, and Caleb. And this is Carlisle. We adopted them."

"Why is Edward kissing Bella's cheek?"

"They're dating."

"But their brother and sister."

"Not real ones, Abs," Nick said. "Their adopted so it's not wrong. Mother is probably still freaking out though."

"Yeah, I read it her note that you aren't allowed to date."

He shrugged. "When's dinner going to be? I'm getting hungry."

"I'll start it now."

"So, are you like the fun mom?" Nick asked after awhile.

"You can say that. What does your mom do about shopping?"

"She does it all herself."

"What about clothes shopping?"

"All herself. We're not allowed to pick out our own clothes."

I just nodded. "Then my kids will be very upset."

"Why?"

"Because they love to shop, Alice especially. They take the phrase 'shop till you drop' literally." Well as literally as vampires can.

"Alice is the one with black hair?" Abigail asked.

"Uh huh."

"You're house is pretty."

"Thank you."

"Unlike ours."

"Abby, cameras."

"Woops. Sorry."

"It's okay, Abs. Mom likes simple."

"So is it true you guys don't have any T.V.?"

"Yeah."

"Emmett loves his T.V., so does Jacob."

"Those are the big ones, right?" Abby asked, pointing to the picture.

"Yes. What do you guys do for fun?"

"Not much. We're in Math Club and youth groups."

"Hm, you don't like it?"

"Nope."

"Maybe we can change this. Would you guys like that?"

"Yes!" Abby squealed. Nick just gave me a hopeful, yet mistrusting, look, like he didn't believe I could change anything.

I sent Abby up to get Michael for dinner a little while later.

"Smells good," Michael commented, sitting down.

"Thanks. Abby and Nick helped."

He nodded. "I hope they weren't in your way."

"Not at all. They were such a big help."

"That's what I like to hear. Everyone's homework done?"

"Yes," Nick said. "I finished mine Friday."

"Me, too," Abby said.

We said grace and they ate. I claimed that I wasn't feeling up to eating after the plane ride.

"Abby, bed time," Michael said at 8:00. "Um, Esme, Darlene usually helps her but I will if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay," I insisted, standing up. "I'll help her. You look busy."

"Somewhat," he admitted. "Thank you."

"No problem. Come on, Abby."

She nodded and led the way upstairs. I waited in her room while she showered and put her pajamas on. She carried me her brush and sat down.

"How do you want it?"

"Um, Mother usually decides."

"Well, I don't know how she usually does it, so why don't you tell me?"

"Braids?"

"I can do that." I tucked her in and walked out into the hall to see Nick heading towards his room. "Turning in already?"

He shrugged. "I guess. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Nick." I headed down to my room to wait out the long, first night.


	7. Ralph, Punishments, and A Food Fight

**Thanks SO much for all the reviews! Love them guys! Sorry about not updating in awhile, but I just got so busy and haven't had time. I'll try to update again this weekend.  
**

**Okay, so this chapter changes POV sometimes, but it needs to. I want to get everyone's opinion in there. I'm definitely doing Rosalie's probably next chapter just because I'm sure that's going to be hilarious. Anyone else's POV you want to see? Just tell me and I'll fit it in.**

* * *

**Bella POV**

I laughed quietly when Darlene knocked at our bedroom door the next morning. Edward and Jasper had just snuck back to their room, and I knew Caleb and Emmett had been with Allie and Rose, too. Nessie and Jacob had slept through the night, so it's their fault they didn't get to plan. Since Allie was the actress of the family, it was decided that she would be the most difficult one to get up in the morning. Emmett had a few surprises of his own, too.

"We're up," Alice called through the door. "We'll be out in a minute."

"Let's go, everyone else is already up."

"Not Emmett," Jasper said. "Or the other girls."

I walked into the hall to see her knocking on Allie's and Rose's door.

"Girls it's time to get up. I'm coming in." She walked in to see them still 'asleep.' "Rosalie?"

"I'm up. Give me a sec."

"Allison?"

"Uhhh."

"Get up, Allison."

She moaned and pulled the blanket over her head. I would've been laughing if I was her.

"One," Caleb said, walking in, "she's not going to answer until you call her Allie. Two, she transitions slowly from sleeping to awake."

She sighed. "Allie, get up. You have to go to school, and I still have to get Emmett."

"Uhh, go away."

"Allie."

"Too sleepy."

"Get up."

"Turn off the lights and I'll consider it."

"Can somebody turn the lights off?"

I flipped the switch and watched as Darlene crossed the room to the windows. She yanked open the shades and frowned.

"No sun, great. Get up, Allie."

"Give me a minute." She still had the blanket over her head.

"Allie!" This went on for a few more minutes until Darlene was just about to give up. "Caleb, see if you can get her up. I have to go check on Emmett."

I followed her to Emmett's room where music was still blaring out from last night and Emmett was snoring loudly.

"Emmett, get up." He didn't answer so she walked in. "Emmett. Oh my goodness, what is that?"

"Mold," Edward said, bending down to get a closer look. "Emmett likes to snack in the middle of the night and he doesn't always finish it so it just goes under the bed and ends up like that."

"Emmett, that's unsanitary." She walked across the room, and an alarm went off. She screamed and fell backwards into a pile of clothes. "This smells terrible!"

"Huh?" Emmett asked, jumping out of bed and into a karate stance. "Hi-ya!"

"Emmett, can you please put something besides your boxers on?" Darlene asked, standing up. "And later you will disinfect your room."

"Why?" He pretended to yawn. "Looks fine to me. Wait, where's Ralph?"

"Ralph?"

"My pet snake!"

"You have a snake?"

"Yeah, he's a python. Here Ralph, here boy."

"Where do you keep him?"

He pulled a cardboard box out from under his bed and shook it upside down. "Nope, not there. Ralph!"

"I'm going to check on Allie." She practically ran out and everybody followed her. "Caleb, I told you to get her up, not get into bed, too!"

Caleb looked at her and shrugged. "She convinced me it wouldn't hurt to sleep through the day."

"Out of bed, now."

"No," Allie said, wrapping her arms tightly around Caleb's neck. "You can't make me."

"Jacob?"

Jacob grinned and pulled Allie's arms off of Caleb while she shrieked.

"No! Abuse! I feel violated!" She jerked free and ran into the closet. "I'll be out in a few minutes!"

Caleb landed a punch to Jacob's side discreetly and growled under his breath. "Keep your hands off me and her and everybody else in this family. You wouldn't want me to come pull Nessie away from you, would you?"

"Let's go," Edward said, reading something in Caleb's thoughts that worried him.

Emmett walked in and threw an arm around Caleb's shoulders. "We'll get him later, buddy. Allie get out here before your boyfriend kills somebody on national T.V.!"

"If he doesn't I will," Edward muttered. "You know there's surgery for your snoring issue, Jacob?"

"I don't snore!"

"As loudly as Emmett," I said, pulling Edward out before a fight could start. This was going to be a long two weeks.

I heard Alice and Allie hiss from upstairs and Edward froze.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Darlene decided to spend the week following us around at school to see what needs to be improved there."

"Does that mean we have to eat, Dad?" Nessie whispered low enough so the cameras wouldn't catch it.

"Not necessarily. Just don't worry about it yet. Let's see if Allie or Emmett can dissuade her from going."

"How?" I asked. It probably meant traveling at very high speeds. Not that I minded much anymore, but a human would freak out.

"I'm not sure yet, but don't worry about it. She's a human, so Allie won't go too far."

"I know, but Emmett practically gave her a heart attack this morning."

"That's what all the screaming was?" Nessie asked. "I figured she found Ralph."

"There really is a Ralph?"

She just stood there for a minute staring at me.

"Nice try, but you're no where near as good an actress as Allie." Seriously, she could make anyone buy into anything no matter how stupid it sounded.

"But I might get fat!"

"Was that Emmett?" Alice asked, coming downstairs.

"I think so." We walked into the kitchen to see Darlene trying to make Emmett sit down and eat something.

"You want me to be a fatty!"

"Emmett, I don't want you to be a…fatty."

"Yes, you want me to have big butt!"

"You will not get a big butt from one bowl of cereal."

"Yes I will! I'm on a diet!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm fat!" He ran out of the house crying. He was good.

"Good job making Emmett cry," Alice said. "Come on, Jazz, let's go find him before he gets too depressed."

"I didn't mean to make him cry," Darlene called after them.

"Come on," Rose said. "We're going to be late if we don't go now."

"Wait, I'm coming with you."

"Nooooo! No! No! NO!"

"Bella?" Allie asked, surprised. I think I was the last one she expected to see in hysterics.

I shrugged just enough for the vampires to see. "You cannot come with us!"

"Why not?"

"Because…it's against the rules."

"I already cleared it with your school."

"God dammit."

"Do not use the Lord's name in vain."

"Fine, just dammit then."

"Watch your language."

Edward sighed and pulled me towards the door. "We've got no room."

"You take three cars."

"Fine, take Jacob's Rabbit with him and Nessie."

Edward's POV

I sighed when all the normal thoughts greeted us. _Man they're hot! Wonder if she's still with Black? Which sister is better looking, Bella or Allie? Can't be seen with a Sophomore so I'll go for Allie. _I tried to tune them out without Bella's help. I needed to be able to hear people's thoughts today.

_Who's she following first? _Emmett wondered _Allie?_

She let her hand brush his arm inconspicuously**. **_**Me. She thinks I'm psycho. **_She grabbed Caleb's hand and they headed off for their first class. I knew they were having a conversation because Allie's shield was up.

_**Good luck. **_I thought towards her, letting Bella lead me away.

I saw her sighed and pull Caleb a little more quickly.

**Allie's POV**

I can't believe she's following us! Emmett was acting just as screwed up as I was. So was Bella. Hm, she might consider it a family thing. I sighed and tried to pay attention. It was a bit harder to talk to Caleb in this class, but we could talk quietly aloud and the teacher wouldn't care. But today, _she_ was watching us.

"Good morning, Miss McCarty, Mr. Cullen."

"Morning," I said. "Please excuse our stalker for today."

"Stalker?"

"You'll see." I loved the look on the teachers' faces when one of us leaves them guessing like that.

Darlene walked through the door a few minutes later.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Johnson."

"Mr. Johnson, I'm Mrs. Darlene Smith. I'm participating with the Cullen family in Wife Swap."

"That's interesting. How are things going?"

"We had some issues this morning, but we worked through them. I'm just going to sit somewhere and observe the children. Is that okay?"

"Just Allie and Caleb?"

"Yes."

"You can take the empty seat next to Caleb then."

I heard a noise and looked down to see a bunch of broken pencil pieces on the floor. Caleb kicked them aside before anyone to notice. I slid my chair closer so our arms were touching.

_I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I-_

_**I got your point. **_I smiled at him as the teacher turned around.

"Class, today you'll be writing a two page persuasive essay. Any topic of your choice. Convince me to agree with you. It's due at the end of class."

Most people started to talk quietly while writing. I decided to write about how my brothers were idiots. Surely he could agree to that.

"What you writing about?" Caleb asked, looking over. He laughed quietly. "He said two pages, not two hundred, Al."

"I know, but it's the only thing I could think of right now. What about you?"

He shrugged. "Why people shouldn't have dogs as pets. Edward would agree with me."

**Hell yeah!**

"He does," I sighed. "That's another easy topic. They can't keep their paws off you."

He laughed. "You still upset about this morning?"

I nodded and touched his arm. _**I had the perfect act going and that stupid mutt ruined it. I'll try again tomorrow.**_

"What are you kids writing about?" Darlene asked.

I glared at her. "None of your business."

"Let me see. Allie, that isn't nice."

I shrugged. "If they weren't idiots we wouldn't be in this situation right now."

She ignored me but her thoughts were angry yet still religious. Weird. She looked at Caleb's paper. "You guys don't have a dog."

He shrugged. _Woops. _"We had a dog, but he bit me so he had to be sent away."

"Why do you call Jacob mutt?"

I shrugged and tried to think. **Tell her that he was the only one that liked the dog.** I thanked Edward for saving us and told her.

"None of you liked it?"

"We're not…animal people," Caleb said. "Except for Nessie."

"She liked the dog, too?"

"Oh, she loved that mutt." I laughed. "Her and Jacob were the only ones, though. He'd get down on the floor and play with it like another mutt so that's where the name came from." I stared at her innocently.

"Oh, that's…mean. You shouldn't call your brother a mutt."

I shrugged. Served the mutt right.

"What do your parents say?"

"They tell us to stop before it gets out of hand. He did start with me, though."

"How?"

"Because." I didn't want to get into the story. "Class is over, let's go, Caleb."

I had gym with Bella and Jasper next. I kissed Caleb and headed off towards the gym with _her _stalking me the whole time.

"Hey," Bella said, tugging her shirt over her head.

"Hi." I pulled my clothes out of my bag and started to change. "Gym sucks."

"Tell me about it." She glared as a freshman walked in. She automatically flinched away from us and ran into a corner with the rest of them.

"What was that about?"

"She had some…inappropriate thoughts about Edward."

"And he told you?"

"Uh huh. She's just lucky we're not playing doge ball today. But you can change it, right?"

Suddenly what I was seeing changed. I saw Bella tossing a ball at hard human speed at the girl. "Looks like we are." I smirked as the coach's thoughts changed and he dragged the dodge balls out.

"Okay, kids, you know the rules. No faces or heads. Keep it easy. Hale, Conners, pick first."

"You take Bella or Allie and you're dead, punk," Jasper whispered to the other kid.

He nodded fearfully. "Uh, Josh?"

"Bella."

"Anna."

"Allie." Jasper smiled, pleased with himself.

"Whoa, that's not fair, Hale." He knew what good athletes we all were and didn't want us on the same team.

"You said to pick," Jasper said, shrugging. "I wanted my sisters."

"Just let the other kids have a chance." Not that we ever fully participated.

"She's going down," Bella whispered, glaring at the girl.

"Don't kill her."

**Bella POV**

"I'm not going to kill her," I assured Allie, easily catching a ball. I tossed it as lightly as I could and hit the tramp in the stomach, making her stumble back.

"McCarty," the coach warned. "Take it easy."

"What's up with him calling us by our last names?" Allie asked, leaning against the wall. She didn't like gym because it wasn't fun.

"McCarty, get your butt off that wall and participate."

She rolled her eyes and knocked one of the boys down with a ball.

"That's it, to the pull-up bar, now."

"Oh, joy, one of his pull-up punishments. See you in a bit." She jogged over.

I half listened to them.

"Okay, up, now."

She grabbed the bar and started. "How many today?" This wasn't her first time, but I think Emmett and Jasper both had more than her. I only had to go once for almost breaking some kid's leg earlier in the year while we were playing soccer. I had ten pull-ups after school that took me two minutes to complete.

"I'll let you know when to stop." He probably meant when she fell off. He loved pushing the Cullen kids to see exactly what kinds of athletes they were, but Edward assured me he just assumed Carlisle pushed us to be healthy because he was a doctor.

"'Kay, your call." In our family you knew better than to mess with Allie when she was mad. I saw Darlene making her way across the gym to see what was going on.

"Allie get herself in trouble again?" Jasper asked, laughing. She was going on three minutes and still going strong.

"She'd better drop down soon."

"She knows when. She'll monitor his thoughts and drops when he thinks she's done too many to be normal. Emmett did fifty without him worrying, and I've done forty."

"You're guys."

"So? Rose ran ten minutes and came back breathing normally. He just thinks that we're in great shape."

"When's he going to realize that we don't care if he physically punishes us?"

"Never. He thinks one day we'll tire out and quit."

Allie was now just hanging on the bar.

"Getting tired, McCarty?"

"Nope." She did three more then went back to hanging.

"That's only twenty-two. You're brother over there made forty, and the other one did fifty."

"You want me to keep going?" She pulled herself up again. "'Cause I could go all day."

"That's thirty, McCarty. You're slowing down."

"Nope, pacing myself to do fifty-one."

"She wouldn't." I stared at her in disbelief. Everyone had stopped playing now and was staring at them. The most Allie had ever done was thirty-three. Even the football players had a hard time making it past fifteen.

"No," Jasper assured me. "He's getting tired of watching her. She'll probably be running in a few minutes."

"Class is almost over."

"Then she'll be running after school."

"Okay, McCarty, get down. Mrs. Smith, can you escort her back to the track later? She's running."

"It's freezing," Allie said apathetically. Not that she would care about the cold and made sure to show that in her voice just like any other Cullen would.

"You shouldn't have mouthed off," Darlene said. "Of course I will."

"What are you guys all doing just standing around. Everyone meet me at the track after school!"

"Fun," Jasper whispered. "Keeping up with humans."

Allie came over rolling her shoulders and trying to look uncomfortable. "You should've heard him."

"It wasn't funny," Darlene chastised. "You're grounded when we get home."

"It's not my fault the kid's weak!"

"That was the linebacker on the football team," Jasper pointed out. "He got knocked down by you."

"So? I'm going to meet Emmett for our next class. He'll sympathize with me."

"I think your brother's a bad influence."

"Don't talk about him like that. He's my brother. Why can't you stalk Bella for the rest of the day?"

"I'll follow you."

She sighed and stalked away.

After school our gym class as well as Edward's and Rose's was standing by the track shivering.

"Who got you guys in trouble?" Rose asked.

"Allie. She made it to thirty-five pull-ups before everyone got screamed at for standing around. You guys?"

"I might have done a few too many push-ups and everyone got busted for betting on how many I could do."

I shook my head. "So now two classes have to run because of the Cullen kids?"

"Yep. What are they thinking?"

"They hate us," Edward said, grinning. "It isn't always our fault for us having to run. They get us into trouble when they can't complete jogging around the gym ten times."

"He only expects them to do six," Jasper said. "Why not just call it five?"

"Because most of them drop off it the sixth so everyone gets to run afterwards."

Just then Darlene walked over. "The rest of the kids who didn't get in trouble are waiting by the bleachers."

I waved to them, and Emmett almost fell off laughing.

"You think this is amusing, McCarty? A show for you to watch? Get your butt down here, you're running, too."

"Yes! Not fair that they get to have all the fun."

"Emmett McCarty," Darlene said, sounding upset. "You're all grounded when we get home."

He shrugged.

"Allie, wipe that smirk off your face." The wind blew hard and the humans started shivering even more. I elbowed Allie to get her to stop. She loved using that gift in particular to mess with the humans.

"Let's go. Everyone start running. And I don't mean you're little jog around the track once. I mean full out running until I tell you to stop. Go!"

I started running next to Edward. Emmett and Jasper decided to take the front, running at a face human pace. "They're going to expose us one day."

He laughed. "Right now the only thing that's going through everyone's minds is either, A, 'I hate the Cullens', B, 'The Cullens must be on steroids', or C, 'Damn Allie needs to teach me how to throw like that.' What exactly did she do?"

"She wasn't really doing anything, so when he yelled at her she threw the ball and it knocked over that huge guy from the football team." I shrugged.

"Could a human throw that hard?"

"Yeah, easily."

"So we're safe."

"What did Rose do?"

"She threatened to put some kid through the basketball net for staring at her. Then she started doing pushups and everyone started betting on her."

"Two more laps," the coach screamed. Most of the kids looked ready to pass out. Darlene looked incredibly upset because everyone else from our family was about ready to fall of the bleachers laughing.

"Sprint the last lap," Allie said, running past us. "Let's go!"

Edward caught up with her but I hung back.

"Cullen, McCartys, Hales, knock it off! This isn't a race."

I sighed and slowed down when everyone else did, trying to make it look like I was slightly out of breath.

"Excellent job," Emmett said, slapping me on the back. "Still a little slow."

"I was trying to blend in," I hissed. "Everyone probably thinks we're on steroids now."

"I know Darlene's thinking that," Edward said, jogging over. "Damn, I hate running slow."

"I know," Jasper said. "Maybe we should try out for track, Emmett."

"No!" Rosalie hit both of them. "You want to expose us?"

"You weren't thinking of that while you were running, Blondie," Jacob said. Everyone else had made their way over, with a very mad Darlene trailing behind still talking to the coach.

"You want to race, mutt?"

"You know I do."

"Later."

"Hale, Black, don't rip each others heads off."

"I just might," Rose muttered. Emmett put an arm around her comfortingly.

"Don't worry, Rose, I'll take him down later."

"No fighting," Darlene said. "Jacob, Rosalie, different cars on the way home."

"No problem. I wouldn't get in that piece of crap if you paid me to."

"Like I want to ride in that ugly Jeep."

"You did not just call my Jeep ugly," Emmett said. He was able to keep it from coming out as a growl. He managed to tackle him in what seemed like a normal eighteen-year-old way.

"Can you boys help!"

Edward, Caleb, and Jasper pulled them apart.

"That freakin' mutt called my Jeep ugly!"

The look on Darlene's face was priceless. It looked like Allie and Alice were about to laugh at any minute, which means I guess the future was fine.

"You girls think something is funny?" Darlene asked. "I overheard your little plans on shopping later. You're not going."

"Why not?" Alice shrieked.

"Well Allie got herself grounded earlier."

"You're not our mother!" She stalked off towards the car with Jasper following. I knew Darlene was in for it when she went to sleep tonight.

"You're riding with Jacob again," Emmett said. "Race you guys home."

"Emmett do the speed limit!" Darlene screamed after him.

"I guess we'd better go find Alice," Edward said, leading me to his car. Alice was sitting in the back seat looking incredibly upset and vengeful.

"Carlisle agree with _her_?" Edward asked.

"Yeah! He said it wouldn't look good on T.V. if we completely went against her."

"He's right," I said. "What's the plan for tonight?"

"I say she gets a little makeover."

"Alice," Jasper warned.

"Don't worry, it'll only be a little one!"

"Homework, now," Darlene said as soon as we walked into the house. "And your father will definitely be hearing about this."

I shrugged. "He knows. He probably already guessed we were going to get punished today."

"It's an off day when we don't," Emmett said, plopping down on the couch and turning on the T.V.

"Emmett, homework!"

"But T.V.!"

"Don't start whining, young man."

Rosalie's hand went over his mouth before he could say that he was old enough to be her great-great-grandfather. "Let's just go do homework."

"'Kay, Babe."

I pulled Edward and Nessie upstairs before anything else could happen.

"Uh oh," Edward mumbled. "Those two better watch out."

"What?" Nessie asked, shoving her last book in her book bag.

I looked at him curiously.

"Emmett and Rose."

"Oh." That was enough said.

"EMMETT! ROSALIE!"

"Uh oh," Nessie said, laughing. She and Jacob slipped out of the room and down the hall. Edward and I followed.

"That was terribly inappropriate! You…you…ugh!"

"What happened?" Alice asked innocently. I wouldn't be surprised if she planned that.

"They were…it's just inappropriate!"

"We were making out," Emmett said. "It's not that inappropriate."

"You…ugh! I've got no idea what to say!"

"How about, bye?" Rose asked, rolling her eyes. "We were kind of in the middle of studying."

"EACH OTHER!"

"Jeez, take the anger down a notch," Jasper said. "It's painful…to listen to."

"Then go to your room! Actually, everyone get into their bedrooms. No guys in girls rooms or girls in guys rooms!"

"What about the hall way?" Emmett asked.

"NO! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my room praying for your souls. AND I'M LEAVING THE DOOR OPEN SO DON'T TRY TO SNEAK PAST ME!"

"Ow," Jasper said, wincing. "Allie?"

"No problem." A calm wave washed over us.

"Thank you."

She nodded. "You think _she _will catch me and Caleb if we went into the game room to talk? Just to talk, Emmett."

"_Sure_, and no, she never goes in there."

"Thanks." She dragged Caleb into the game room.

"Crap, we should've called that, Rose."

"She never goes into the garage."

"Just stay away from my Volvo," Edward warned. He pulled me back towards the room.

**Emmett POV**

"Kids, dinner!" Darlene called. She frowned as me and Rose walked out of the garage. "I thought I told you guys to stay in your rooms."

"You did," Rose said, glaring at her. "We just didn't listen to you."

"Do I have to eat?" Alice said, coming down the stairs and making a face. She probably already knew the answer.

"Yes, where are everyone else."

"Edward and Bella are in Edward's room. Nessie and Jacob are Nessie's room. Caleb and Allie are in the game room."

"They've been in there awhile," I added.

"Shut the hell up, Emmett," Bella said, coming down the stairs. She always has to be so protective whenever I started picking on someone's personal life.

"Bella, watch your language," Darlene chastised. "Dinner is on the table. Sit down."

"Where's Carlisle?" Allie asked. Her makeup still looked okay, so I guess all they did do was talk. She nodded slightly.

"He's in his office. I haven't told him yet."

"That's okay. The first situation was my fault so I'll tell him." Wow, did Allie just say something responsible while the enemy was in the house. Again I got a slight nod.

"That's quite mature, Allie."

"You can call me Allison if you want." She winced as she said that. I never fully understood why-mother called her that. Oh, only her mother called her that. Another slight nod, this time it was mixed with a wince.

"Thank you. Go get Carlisle, now."

"Okay."

I saw Alice smirk and knew that something was up. I wonder whose idea it was.

"I told them," Jasper whispered as he passed me up. "Allie took the job to ease Carlisle into it."

"What is it?"

"You'll see. Mrs. Smith, may I lead grace?"

"Why of course Jasper." She looked pleased. Oh that will soon change. They had their plan and I had mine. Have to block my thoughts from Edward, though. At least for a few days.

He said grace and Darlene served us.

"Looks…good," Carlisle said uncertainly. I pushed the mashed potatoes around on my plate and made a mountain. Mount Emmett. Perfect. Wait, I had more. I reached for the gravy and poured some on top. Mount Emmett the volcano. Now it was perfect.

"Emmett, stop playing with your food and eat," Darlene said, taking a bite. Apparently the human thought it was good.

I sighed and looked for a way around it as I got hit between the eyes by mashed potatoes. "Oh, it's on, my brother."

"Wasn't me," Jasper said, shaking his head. Alice.

She shrieked and ducked under the table, and the handful of broccoli I threw hit Nessie.

"That's it. You're going down!"

"Renesmee," Edward said, but it was too late. Rose got hit by flying carrots. All hell broke loose.

"Stop it! Stop it you insolent children! Stop!" Nobody would listen to her.

"STOP!"

We all froze and turned to look at Carlisle, who managed to stay relatively clean. I thought Allie had talked him into this. Her hand brushed my arm. _I tried._

He took a deep breath. "I want each and every single one of you to go up to your rooms and not come down until tomorrow morning. Got it?"

"Got it, Daddy."

"Emmett!" I winced as ten people yelled at me.

"Sorry, Carlisle."

He sighed. "Just get upstairs.

"What's next?" Nessie asked.

"Give Carlisle a day to calm down," Jasper said. "He's ready to rip our…credit cards to pieces right now." Nice save. We were all aware of the camera aimed at us. I smiled and waved, earning me a hit on the back of my head from Rose.

"You okay?" Caleb asked Allie.

She nodded. "Just thinking. I'll be in the library. Bella, you coming, too?"

"Sure." They were up to something.

"Nobody else! Except the girls."

"Okay. You know what's going on Edward?"

"One of them has their shield up." He glowered in the direction of the door. So, Edward's jealous that Allie can still read his mind while hers is totally blank?

"Yes. It's not fair."

Jacob laughed. "Not fair? You prying into our heads without our permission is?"

"Watch it, mutt. I can still kick you from here to La Push and back to your pack."

He growled. "Bring it, bloodsucker."

"Cameras," Caleb warned. "Maybe we should worry about what the girls are up to and not about killing each other."

That reminded me of my plan. "One of you girls block me. I need to think. Edward?"

"It's done." He frowned and stalked off to his room. Haha, time to put plan Emmett into process. But first….

"My brothers, you want to help me?"

"Sure," Jasper said. Caleb shrugged indifferently, looking at the library door. Worrying about Allie, most likely. Jeez, she wasn't literally going crazy. The human in the house probably reminded her of someone in her family and she was having a hard time dealing with it. That just gave me another reason to torment the human to no extent.

"'Kay, I want to see what she's saying to Carlisle." I knew we could all hear just fine from up here, but it was for the camera's benefit.

"Let's go," Jasper said.

"Can I come?" Jacob asked.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because you…fine, just don't get us caught, mutt." We snuck downstairs to where Carlisle and the human were talking in the kitchen.

"Carlisle, don't take this in the wrong way," Darlene said, "but your children…there's something not quite right with them."

"Can you explain?" Carlisle asked.

"They had a punishment in gym today-"

"It's an off day when they don't get a punishment in gym. They take it in stride."

"Maybe a little too well. Allie did thirty-seven pull-ups-"

"That's my girl. She broke her old record?"

"Yes, I guess so. But that's not the point! She wasn't even sweating."

Carlisle shrugged. "That's all?"

"No, after that most of them had to run around the track. They sprinted the whole thing and came back breathing normally!"

"My kids are excellent athletes."

"They aren't in any sports."

"They don't want to be in any.

"They need discipline from you. Their behavior at dinner just proved that."

He shrugged again.

"You allow them to have food fights?"

"Esme looks down on it because it ruins her furniture."

"What about you?" "I don't like my children doing this, but it's better than physical violence."

"Rosalie and Jacob looked ready to kill each other earlier!"

"Rose and Jake don't get along very well."

"Why not?"

"Jacob has cracked a number of blonde jokes, and Rosalie retorts by calling names back."

"You allow them to do that?"

"I break it up if it gets too bad."

"What about Allie?"

He flinched, knowing what was probably going to follow. "What about her?" "She needs help. I've never seen a teenaged girl that emotionally unstable."

"She's going through a rough time."

"What about Emmett and Bella? They seem to be doing a bit better."

"It hit her the hardest. Why? We don't know. Don't cross her or you'll have Rose and Bella as enemies. They're both very protective."

"What about Renesmee and Alice? They don't care?"

"Renesmee is too sweet to really go after revenge, but upset her and you'll wish you never had."

"How?"

"She has her own means of revenge. She can manipulate anyone she wants just by a single glace."

"How?"

"She wraps you around her finger and it'll kill you to see her upset."

"What about Alice? Will she defend Allie?"

"Yes, but more likely she'll drag her to the mall to make her feel better. All of my children will protect each other."

"So by upsetting Allie, I've made two enemies?"

"Four, counting Allie and Caleb. Ten, counting all of my kids."

She nodded. "So if anyone of them gets offended by me, I'll have your whole family down on me?"

"Basically."

"Jasper seems quite emotional, too."

Carlisle shrugged. "That's just Jasper. He's a good boy who is respectful."

"I've barely heard two sentences out of him."

"He's quieter, same as Caleb. Edward's the most mature. Jake is loud, but won't bother you too much. Emmett's the one to worry about."

She shook her head. "So the only normal kid you have is Edward?"

"My children are all sane, if that's what you're indicating."

"Allie gave me a hard time getting out of bed this morning."

"That's just Allie. I'm surprised Bella and Edward weren't worse."

I had to laugh at that. Even Carlisle got his jabs in.

"No, it was just Allie. Oh, and did you know Emmett has a python?"

"A python?"

"Named Ralph. He lost it. I'm surprised it didn't end up in his sisters' rooms."

"His sisters would come up with something ten times worse to get revenge."

"Rosalie is quite conceited. Did you see how she reacted when you told her this would cause talk?"

"That's Rose. I'm surprised Nessie didn't join her."

"Are all your children that into their looks?"

"Not Bella. Bella prefers sweatpants and a t-shirt, but she does dress nicely to please Alice."

"That brings me to another matter. Yesterday when you came back, they had an awful amount of bags. Alice said they spent over $2,000?"

"That's a small amount for her."

We laughed as Darlene was left speechless. We decided to get to 'sleep' before she caught us.


	8. Human Food, Chuch, and Teenaged Boys

**okay, I keep forgetting the disclaimer. I do not own Twilight**

* * *

**Esme POV**

I opened the door the next morning to see Michael there.

"Sorry to wake you this early, but Darlene usually gets up about now."

"Actually, this is fine for me," I said. "What does Darlene do now?"

"She wakes up Nick and Abby. I'll make breakfast."

"Okay. Does she just knock?"

"For Nick. Abby she helps."

"Oh. Okay." I walked upstairs and knocked on Nick's door. "Nick, time to get up."

He opened the door. "I'll be down in two minutes. I remembered to pray."

"Okay. What exactly does your mom do for your sister?"

"She picks out her clothes and brushes her hair." He must have noticed the confused look on my face. "I know, kind of babyish, right? Just do it for the week then you can change it?"

"Of course. We'll talk later about the changes."

"You're going to let us have a say in it?"

"You have to live with them, don't you?"

He smiled. "Thank you, Esme. So much."

"It's not a problem. I should probably wake your sister up now."

"Oh, and Abby might be a little difficult to get up. Just a heads up."

"Thank you." I knocked on Abby's door. "Abby, time to get up."

"Just walk in," Nick said, heading towards the bathroom. "You literally have to shake her awake."

I laughed. "Sounds like what I go through trying to Jacob to wake up."

"That's the big guy with the girl with the cool colored hair, right?"

Nessie would love to hear that one. "Yeah, that's him. He snores something awful. His siblings always complain."

"Must be awesome to live with that many people. Never gets boring, huh?"

"Never. They do have a problem with the volume level I want, though. It can get quite loud at my house."

"My mother's not going to like that."

"Then I don't think she'll like their gambling either, will they?"

"She'll hate it. What do they gamble about?"

Woops. "Oh, different stuff. Football games and such."

"What do they get if they win? Money?"

"All the kids have enough money, so I don't think so. Alice won a shopping trip from Emmett the other day. He has to go with and carry all of her bags."

He laughed. "She likes to shop?"

"It's an obsession. All my kids like to shop, but Alice needs to. How about we talk about this later. I should really get Abby up."

"Okay. See you later."

"Oh, good morning," Abby said, rolling over. "Time to get up?"

I laughed. "Yes, Abby, come on."

She prayed while I opened her closet and stood there in a bit of shock. All of her clothes were plain. When Nessie was ten, well mentally and physically ten, all of her clothes were bright. "Abby, what clothes do you like?"

"Mother usually picks them out."

I noticed that she called her mother Mother and her father Daddy. Wonder who the favorite parent for both kids was. "How about I pick out a couple and you pick your favorite out of those?"

"Okay. Hm, I like the pink."

"Me, too. Here, put it on. How do you want your hair?"

"Um, braids again. Can you put ribbon in?"

"Sure. Your mom doesn't let you ever?"

"Nope."

Alice would've cried if she had the limited wardrobe this little girl had, even though it was physically impossible.

"How's that?"

"It's perfect! Thanks Esme!" She threw her arms around my neck.

"You're welcome, dear. Now let's get downstairs to see what your dad made for breakfast." Shoot, I would have to eat that. Oh well, I'll see what I can do. "Looks great," I lied.

"Thanks," Michael said. He pulled out mine and Abby's chairs.

"Thank you."

"Thanks, Daddy!"

"Are you feeling okay, Esme? You barely touched your food."

"Fine." I took another bite and forced myself to smile. "Kids, you'd better go get your backpacks ready."

They nodded and went back upstairs.

"Do you want help with the dishes?" I hoped he would just let them sit until I got home from dropping the kids off. I really didn't feel like helping right now with the human food in my stomach.

"No, no, I've got them. Do you have the key? I'll be gone by the time you get back from dropping the kids off."

"Yes, I have it. See you tonight."

"Bye, Esme."

The kids were waiting by the door. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Nick said anxiously. He kept glancing at the clock.

"Excited to go to school?"

He shrugged. "You have to drop Abby off first today at the grammar school. She has some kind of thing before school."

"Okay. Let's go."

"Sweet," Nick murmured, glancing at the speedometer as I pulled away.

"Woops, sorry about that." I reluctantly slowed down. Rose would've hated this car. Even I could understand the difference between this engine and the ones in our car. I'm sure even Bella would've appreciated the differences.

"No, it's no problem," Nick assured me. "What kind of cars do you have at home?"

"Um, I drive a Mercedes along with Carlisle."

"Two Mercedes?"

"Yes? Um, Edward has a Volvo. Alice has a Porsche."

"Seriously?" That's a teenaged boy for you.

"Yeah. Bella has a Ferrari. Rose a BMW. We've got so many cars. Jasper has a motorcycle as well."

"Really? Your kids are so lucky!"

"Yes."

"What about Emmett?"

"A Jeep." We kept going on like that from there, naming all the cars my family had. Nick's jaw dropped even farther with each car.

**Nick's POV**

Oh my gosh. Esme's family sounds so cool. I couldn't believe some of the cars they had. A Porsche and a Ferrari? And the Vanquish? How rich were they? Josh was so going to freak when I told him about the new mother I got. Alyssa was just going to be psyched we could tell my parents we were dating…for three months.

"Bye Nick!" Abby called, jumping out of the car. "Bye Esme!"

"Wait, should you walk her in like our mother does?" I knew that wasn't necessary, but we were supposed to be going by the normal rules this week.

"I guess so," Esme said. "Nick, you want to stay here?"

"Yeah." I turned the radio to a different station.

"Ready to go?" Esme asked.

I jumped. Why hadn't I seen her coming? "Yeah, let's go."

"So, Nick. What are your friends like?"

I was suddenly hyperaware of the camera behind me. "Uh, my best friend's name is Josh. He plays football and baseball."

"Why don't you?"

"My mother won't let me. They're too competitive, or so she says."

"Any other friends?"

"Um, a couple. There's Andy, and Eric, and Zach."

"Any girls?"

"Uh, a couple I talk to. Jamie, Amanda." For some reason I couldn't say Alyssa's name yet. I knew I could trust her, but I didn't want to feel that way. At least not until next week.

"That's it, two?"

"Well, there's a couple more I sit with at lunch."

"Like?"

I sighed. "Uh, Beth and Alyssa." There, I said it.

"My kids like sitting with each other at lunch. They claim the other kids aren't big fans of them."

"Well, you're daughters are beautiful and…." Woops. I blushed hard. I liked Alyssa a lot, and she was really pretty and sweet, but I wasn't about to lie. "I mean I like Al…. Forget it."

"Okay." She smiled and looked away. "My daughters are going to love to hear that, especially Rose. She knows how pretty she is and likes others to acknowledge it."

"Not that I go that way, but your sons are kind of good looking, too. I'm man enough to admit it when I see it."

"I know, dear. Girls can say other girls are pretty so why can't guys say other guys are handsome or something."

Her sons weren't handsome, though, at least not it the traditional way. I mean, I'm straight, but you couldn't help but notice how good looking the whole family was. "Exactly."

"My girls will also appreciate you called them beautiful, and not hot like some other guy would."

I shrugged. "Must suck for the guys to see all the other guys checking out their girls. Shoot, I didn't mean to say that."

"Don't worry. As I said yesterday, my kids have used a lot worse words."

"And you let them?"

"They're just words."

"I wish my mother would see it that way." I sighed and looked out the window. We were here. I could already see Alyssa standing by the doors waiting for me. She waved as soon as she saw me. "See you later, Esme." I jumped out.

"Nick!" Alyssa exclaimed, running up and hugging me. "Is that the new mom?"

"Yeah." I hugged her back. "Want to meet her?"

"Yeah! Is she picking you up after school?"

I nodded, glancing back at Esme, but she wasn't looking at us.

"Nervous about telling them?"

"A little."

"Me, too. Let's go before we're late."

I let her pull me to our lockers, thinking about this afternoon. I'd have to bring Josh with. He'd hate it if he never got to hear about the cars or the girls.

**Esme POV**

Nick looking close to hyperventilating when he met up with the girl outside of school. I wanted to meet her, and apparently she wanted to meet me, too. Abby probably knew about her and that's why she acted the way she did yesterday.

"Can you guys turn off the cameras while I shower?" I asked. I had to get them away so I could get rid of the food.

"No problem," one of the guys said. "We'll be hanging out in the kitchen."

"Okay." That was good.

"I'm done," I said, walking down the stairs. "I guess I should head over to the church, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah, probably. That's what Mrs. Smith does today."

I sighed and walked out to the van. Rose would seriously freak at the sight of that. Jacob wouldn't be too happy either. Listen to me, I'm picking up my kids' language. Mostly Nessie and Allie's. They were about the same age, so I guess it figures they would use the same words. I caught them cameraman staring so I focused on the road a bit more. "I guess this is it."

"Hello, how may I help you?" a middle-aged woman asked, looking up from a desk. She was playing Solitaire on an ancient computer.

"I'm Esme Cullen. I think Darlene Smith is supposed to volunteer here?"

"Ah, yes. Mrs. Smith is away for two weeks, isn't she?"

"Yes. I'm supposed to follow her schedule." This was going be a long week. "Can you tell me what she does?"

"Today she would probably be arranging flowers. Right through that door. The other ladies will help you out."

"Thank you."

I walked through the door in the corner and saw three women sitting around arranged flower bouquets. "Hello, my name is Esme Cullen."

"My name is Anna Brown," one of the women said. "That's Kathy and Tina. You're taking Darlene's place?"

"Yes. What should I do?"

"Um, grab some flowers and arranged them like those over there."

I made myself follow theirs, even though my ideas were much prettier. Not my place to tell them what to do. I let myself think about home for awhile. 11:45. Jasper, Allie, and Bella were probably in gym right now. I wonder which one got in trouble today. Rose and Edward had it after lunch and everybody else after them. I knew Darlene would probably freak out when they got in trouble, but that was the coach for you.

"So, Esme, tell us about your family. What does your husband do?"

"Carlisle's a doctor."

That left them silent for a few seconds. "Your kids?"

"We adopted ten kids."

"Ten? How do you do it? I can barely handle three."

"They're all very mature."

"How old are they?" Tina asked.

"Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Jacob are eighteen, Alice, Allie, and Caleb are seventeen, and Edward, Bella, and Nessie are sixteen."

"And all teenagers. God bless you."

I nodded, pretending to concentrate on what I was doing.

"Do you have pictures?"

"Yes, I do." I took them out of my purse and handed them to her.

"They're all beautiful. Here's pictures of my kids."

I looked at the three dimple-faced little kids. They were cute, I suppose. Not as adorable as my granddaughter when she was psychically their age.

"You allow your children to date?" Kathy asked. I could hear her disapproving tone.

"They aren't really related. Edward and Bella. Emmett and Rose. Jasper and Alice. Caleb and Allie. Nessie and Jacob. Only a couple are actually siblings."

"Which ones? The brunettes and blondes, I suppose. And the ones with the…interesting colored hair."

"The brunettes are Emmett, Bella, and Allie. They're last name is still McCarty. Rose and Jasper are the blondes. They kept Hale, as well. And Edward and Nessie are the other two."

"Do they share your last name?"

"Yes, they're Cullen."

"Is that hair…natural?"

"Yes. They were born with the bronze colored hair."

"Are you religious?"

"Not really. We let them believe what they want to. Allie wears a cross everyday, but that's because it was from her birth mother."

"Oh, and you don't mind?"

"Of course not. She needs that connection to her, so I encourage it."

"Why don't Emmett or Bella?"

I shrugged. "Everything is up to them."

"Must be hard to cook with ten teenagers, especially those big boys."

"They cook for themselves whenever they feel like it."

"So you never eat dinner together."

I thought about our family hunting trips. Kind of hard with twelve people, but we managed. "Sometimes."

"Do you have family game nights?"

My kids had tried that before, but it ended up in a wrestling match and a couple of broken windows. "We've tried, but there's too much competition." Not to mention Alice, Edward, and Allie's being able to cheat. Emmett didn't have any special gifts, but setting up mirrors around the room so he could see other people cards was his idea.

"How do you discipline them? If it works for ten it has to work for two, right?"

"They have certain punishments, like no shopping or something like that."

"They like to shop?"

"Yes."

"How much do you allow them to spend?"

"Alice controls that."

"Your seventeen-year-old controls the money?"

"She controls what clothes the family gets, so sort of. They have credit cards with no limit."

"Your husband must be quite successful."

"He is. My children are also interested in the stock market. It's been pretty good for us."

"You let your children hold stocks?"

"My husband does, but the kids manage them for him." Truthfully, that was all Alice. She had a vision and bought or sold whatever.

"How are they in school?"

"They're all straight A's."

"Really?"

"Yes, top of their classes. Never punished, except in gym." I glanced at them time. Edward and Rose's turn.

"Why in gym?"

"The whole class gets punished nearly everyday." I shrugged, and they let it drop.

"So I suspect they get a lot of kids wanting help with projects? Do they tutor others?"

"Not really. My kids stick to our family."

"What about during class?"

"They usually have class with at least one other family member, so they work together. The teachers prefer that. It lets the other kids learn more."

"Oh, okay. What about clubs?"

"They prefer not to join." Actually Rose had said, 'I'd rather be stuck at home all day with the mutt than be stuck in a room with ten humans and be so bored that I might actually fall asleep.'

"Nothing? What do they do at home?"

"There's a library, and a game room, and the garage. There's always something for them to do at home." Not that they really wanted to know. The poor humans would have a heart attack if they knew.

"Do they get any exercise."

I frowned at her criticism. "Of course. They go camping and hiking a lot. They play sports in this clearing in the forest."

"Don't you worry about wild animals?"

I held back a laugh. The animals were scared of us, not the other way around. "Not really. My kids all know the forest very well and know what to do if they meet something dangerous." Yeah, eat it.

"Oh, that's good. So, your husband is a doctor. He must not be home a lot."

"He actually takes the kids on the camping trips."

"Your daughters like camping?" I knew she was talking about the way they were dressed in the pictures. No girl who dressed like that would even dream about camping, not that they actually camped.

"Yes. They're quite good at it, in fact. They can easily keep up with the boys."

"Even the little black-haired one?"

"Especially her."

"So, where exactly are you from?"

"Forks, Washington. It's on the Olympic Peninsula."

"Oh, okay. What's it like"?"

"Rainy, but it's beautiful."

"How big is it?"

"It's quite small. Everybody knows everybody. Families have lived there for generations." Every single family was the same from the last time we were in Forks, just a new generation that didn't know us.

"Have you?"

"No, we moved in last year."

"Must have been tough on the kids. Moving into a small town during high school. And some of them being juniors when they started."

"They were fine with it."

"How big is your house? Looks pretty big from the picture."

That was kind of rude. "Um, big, I guess. Needs to be to fit twelve people."

"How many rooms?"

"Six bedrooms. Each one has it's own bathroom. Then there's Carlisle office, the library, the game room, the living room, plus another bathroom downstairs, the dining room, and the kitchen. Plus our garage."

"How many cars?"

"Each of our kids has one, then there's a couple of others. Jasper has his motorcycle. Edward keeps track of them."

"He likes cars?"

"The bodies."

"How do you afford a mechanic?"

"Rosalie and Jacob take care of that."

"Really?" I knew all three were thinking about the blonde girl they had seen in the picture.

"Yes. Emmett will go help once in awhile, but he prefers the game room."

"What does Edward like to do then?"

"He plays the piano and composes his own songs."

"Really?"

"Yes. He's quite gifted."

Conversation died down after that. I knew they were all envious about my gifted children. I was glad when it was time to leave.

"Hi," Abby said excitedly, climbing into the car. "I had a great day. I got a hundred on my math test!"

"Great job!" I said, trying to be just as enthusiastic as her. "Ready to go pick up your brother?"

"Yes." She talked animatedly the whole way there. Her energy reminded me of Alice at times. "There's Nick and Josh and…." She stopped talking.

"Who is the girl?"

"Alyssa."

I nodded. "Hey, guys."

"Hi," Nick said nervously. "Um, this is Josh and Alyssa. Can you give them a ride home?"

"Sure, get in, guys." To my surprise Nick slid into the back seat with Alyssa as Josh jumped in front.

"Hey, Mrs. Cullen."

"You can call me Esme. Both of you."

"Esme," Josh corrected himself, grinning. "Jeez, Nick, you didn't tell me she was this cool."

He just shrugged.

"Are you guys in any of the same clubs as Nick?"

"He's in Math Club," Josh said sarcastically. "Nah, I play sports."

"Alyssa?"

"Huh? Oh, excuse me. What did you say?"

"What clubs are you in?"

"Oh, I dance."

"What kind?"

"Ballet. It's a lot of fun."

"Dancing around on your toes to classical music is fun?" Josh asked. "Since when?"

"Getting smashed to a pulp by a bunch of sweaty guys is fun?" she retorted. "Since when?"

Nick laughed. "Hey, I want to be one of those guys."

"You'll be great, but I think we know what happened to Josh's head."

I smiled. They were like my kids, always laughing at each other but still having fun.

"Bye, Esme," Alyssa said, climbing out. "Thanks for the ride. See you later, guys. Bye, Abby."

"Bye!"

"So, Nick," Josh said slowly, grinning slyly. Uh oh, I knew that look. It was the same one I saw on Emmett's face whenever Bella and Edward came down in the morning.

"Don't start. I still have to…you know…talk about it."

"Oh, okay. Did Alyssa?"

"Not yet. We're waiting until next week."

"Smart move, buddy. Well, this is my stop. See you later. Bye Abby. Thanks for the ride, Esme."

"It's no problem. Just let me know if you ever need another."

"Did I mention that I love your new mom, Nick?"

"Only a couple hundred times." He rolled his eyes.

"She's ten times cooler than mine. See you!"

"That's Josh for you." He got into the front seat. "Thanks for giving them rides, Esme."

"It's no problem. They seem nice."

"They are." He stared out the window. "What's for dinner?"

"Whatever you guys want. I didn't get a chance to go shopping today."

"Oh, that's okay."

"Tomorrow I think I have to go to Abby's school."

She sighed.

"Sorry, Abby, I'll quit that next week."

"It's not you, just my mother. You'd be cool!"

"Thanks. So should I shop Wednesday?"

"Why are you asking me?" He didn't ask rudely, just confused.

"Oh, sorry. I'm just used to talking to my kids as adults. You're a year younger than my youngest ones, so…."

"Oh, that's okay. It's kind of nice to be treated like an adult then a kid once in awhile."

I nodded. "Let's get started on homework."

"You mind if I hang out down here?" Nick asked, hesitating.

"That's fine."

"It's just…my mother's never really mom-like and you are, so…."

I smiled. "Sit down. Where do you usually do homework?"

"The kitchen table." He plopped down and I heard his stomach growl.

"Anyone want a snack?"

"Our mother doesn't like us eating between meals," Abby said, "but yeah."

"I'll get you fruit or something then. Nick, you hungry?"

"Sort of." He smiled sheepishly as his stomach growled again. "If you don't mind."

I laughed. "It's fine. Jacob's always hungry so I'm used to it."

"Thanks. There's apples on the counter I think."

"Here they are. Do you want something to drink?"

"Grape juice," Abby said, pulling out her books.

"Nick?"

"Water's fine. Thanks."

"No problem. Abby, what do you have?"

"Just math. It's multiplying fractions." She frowned.

"They're easy. All you have to do is multiply across the top and then the bottom."

She nodded. "Then simplify, right?"

"Yes. What about you, Nick?"

"Huh?" It looked like my question caught him off guard. "Oh, area."

"You're taking geometry?"

"Yes. My mother never takes interest in what I'm learning just whether I'm doing it right or not."

"So you both have math tonight?"

"And history," Nick said. "The Civil War."

I immediately thought of Jasper. "My son knows quite a lot about the Civil War."

"Really? Do you?"

"Somewhat." I sat down and help the kids with their homework. When they were done we waited until Michael got home to cook dinner. Finally day two came to an end.


	9. We're Not Compatible

**Okay, sorry about the delay, I've just got SO much going on right now. Thanks SOOO much for the reviews. I'm surprised I actually have some dedicated ones. You guys are Amazing!!! So here's the next 2 chpts. Sorry if they're kind of slow or whatever. Oh, and did anybody else watch NCIS Tuesday? Tony mentioned Twilight and he's TEAM EDWARD! LOL, just thought I'd mention that. Well, enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight this chpt or next chpt!  
**

* * *

Carlisle must have said something to those children, because they relatively behaved yesterday, though there were a few mishaps. I sighed and got up. Hopefully they were the same today.

"Allie, Rosalie, time to get up." I heard one of them moan and something hit the door. I opened it to see a pillow on the floor and Allie missing hers.

"Girls, get up." No response. Joy, it sounded like it would be worse than Monday. I moved on to the other girls' rooms, only to see the door opened and all of them awake. "Oh, good, you're up." Nobody answered me.

I sighed. "Caleb, Jasper, get up, boys."

"We're up." At least somebody was talking to me. Even if it was one of the quietest ones in this house.

"We're up, too," Edward yelled from across the hall. "Only Emmett left."

I sighed and knocked on Emmett's door. "Emmett?" I heard someone singing from inside. I didn't recognize the song, but there was a lot of swearing. Figures. "Emmett?" I decided just to walk in.

"AH! Get out!"

"EMEETT MCCARTY WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"

"A…a dress." He slammed the door in my face and started crying. "I just wanted to look pretty!"

Pretty? He was wearing a red dress that came to the middle of his thighs. "Emmett, open up. We can discuss this-"

"NO!"

"Emmett?"

"I'm never coming out!"

"What did you do to him?" Rosalie asked.

"Young lady go back into that room and put on something respectable!"

"What's wrong with this?"

"You look like a…unrespectable lady."

"A tramp?"

"Rosalie!"

"I'm not changing. It's not that bad."

Not that bad? Her skirt was unbelievably short, and her blouse was cut a little too low for my taste.

"What did you do to my boyfriend?" She knocked on the door. "Em, baby, open up. It's me."

The door opened to reveal Emmett dressed in normal clothes. "I…I was just trying to see how the dress I bought you for your birthday looked."

"I know, I know." She hugged him. "I'm sure that's all you were doing. Let's go get ready for school."

"You look amazing, babe."

"Thanks." She kissed him and pulled him towards the stairs.

"What are all of you girls wearing?"

"Clothes?" Renesmee asked, confused. She looked down. She was a little more presentable than Rosalie, but not much. Bella was dressed the best out of the five, Rosalie the worst.

"Disgusting clothes."

"But they're brand new," Alice said, looking twice as confused as Renesmee. "Jazz, don't you like what I'm wearing?"

He nodded.

"Of course he would!"

"You don't? I like what _you're_ wearing."

"And what is that exactly?"

"Looks a lot better than usual. Come on, Jazz, we're taking my car to school today."

I ran to the mirror and gasped. "What did you girls do to me?"

"What?" Allie asked, sticking her head in. I sighed in relief when I saw her blouse. It wasn't half as bad as Rosalie's.

"What did you girls do to me?"

She shrugged. "I had no part in it."

"Rosalie and who else."

"You'll never guess, so what's the point in trying?"

"Allie, I want to have a word with you."

"You're not my mother."

"You're mother isn't here right now."

"You think I don't know that?" She stormed out of the bathroom. She really hated me now.

"I'm changing!" she screamed, slamming her door. Uh oh, what did I do.

When she walked out of her bedroom she still wasn't as bad as Rosalie. I doubt anyone could dress as bad as that girl.

"We don't dress like tramps," Allie muttered, pushing past me angrily. It's like she could read my mind.

"Dammit!"

"What?" Emmett asked.

"Tell you guys in the car. Come on, Caleb."

"Don't forget breakfast."

"Don't need it," Rosalie screamed at me, walking out the front door. Looks like yesterday's good behavior is gone.

I sighed and started cleaning the house. I was kind of glad that I had the day to myself. The plan to follow them to school blew up in my face.

It was noon by the time I finished. I had no idea how Esme did this. I checked the fridge and there wasn't a lot in it. I made a quick list and headed out to the tiny store in town. Might as well stop by the church while I'm there.

I got quite a few stares as I shopped. Gosh I hate small towns. I'm never moving to one. Ever.

"So you're the new mother for the Cullens, huh?" the cashier asked me.

"Yes. Do you know them?"

"Not really well. They just moved down here from someplace in Alaska last year."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. My daughter goes to school with them. She says they're really stuck up."

"They're brats, I can tell you that much."

"Really? They've always seem to stick to themselves."

"I noticed that, too. That Rosalie girl, I swear, I don't know how her mother deals with her."

"Rosalie's the blonde, right?"

"Yes."

"My daughter told me she's all over Emmett at school."

"She is at home, too. And Allie needs an attitude adjustment."

"She doesn't say much about Allie. Is Bella really stuck up?"

"She hasn't said much to me, but when she has it's always been in defense of somebody. She did have a little issue Monday. Emmett's a strange one, too."

"I believe you. I think they're a part of some cult."

"No, they're very unreligious. Every other word out of their mouths is God's name in vain."

"Really?"

"Yeah. What is your name?"

"Jan Newton."

"Newton? The kids mentioned a Mike Newton. Any relation?"

"My husband's grandfather's name was Mike. Maybe that's it. But how would they know him?"

"No idea. They mentioned a lot of last names that I keep hearing pop up. Crowley?"

"That's my grandparents' name. Tyler and Lauren. Ask them. Who knows, maybe their great-grandparents lived here for awhile, though I think the town would remember any Cullen."

"I know I'll never forget them. They're all spoiled rotten. I heard Renesmee get in trouble and with one 'Daddy' she got out of it."

"Carlisle Cullen yelled at one of his kids?"

"I guess so, but when I checked it out Edward was in the hallway alone. Carlisle was in his office."

"Weird. I heard Renesmee can get out of anything though. My daughter has a class with her and with one smile the teacher excuses her for whatever. She has every adult wrapped around her finger. Not even the coach will punish her."

"No good will come of that girl. Alice spent $4,000 yesterday!"

"$4,000? In Forks? How?"

"They went to Seattle. Jasper took his motorcycle all the way there."

"Not much use for a motorcycle in Forks. I'm surprised he didn't get drenched."

"They have a huge grand piano, too, but it hasn't been touched since I got there."

"Supposedly Edward composes his own songs, or that's the rumors around the school."

"I haven't heard him play yet."

"Aren't there two more boys?"

"Yes. Jacob's incredibly immature. He and Rosalie got into a fight yesterday. It started with him cracking blonde jokes then Rosalie calling him a mutt and throwing his clothes out the window."

"Really? And the fifth boy?"

"Caleb's relatively quiet, more so than Jasper. Not in a depressed way, though. I guess he's just an introvert."

"No. Caleb Cullen is definitely _not_ and introvert. My husband still runs Newton's Sporting Goods, I just work here as an extra job, but he told me Edward and Caleb Cullen came in to by a tent and the whole store heard that boy. He knocked over several displays and they laughed and said they'd pay for them if he wanted them to. Naturally my husband said no, but waving money around like that? It's irresponsible."

"I know."

"Don't trust that boy. My daughter said behind the cute face is evil."

Evil might have been a bit much, not for Rosalie, but for Caleb. Though sometimes I did wonder what was going on in that head of his. "You know, a vase fell yesterday and he wasn't even by it. I think he set it up to make me think I was crazy. He did get yelled at by Allie, but that's it."

"Those Cullen kids are strange ones. They're loners."

"I see. Do they talk to anyone but each other?" I shivered, knowing they did a lot more than talk to each other. I had walked in on a Rosalie/Emmett make-out session.

"No, not one person. On the first day of school my niece tried to sit next to Bella, but she said that the seat was taken. Then Alice walked in and sat down. "

"I've got to get going. Those children get home in an hour and a half and I still want to check out the Church."

"Oh, Rick Weber is wonderful. You should really meet him."

"I will. Thank you. Wow, feeding twelve people really takes a lot of food."

"Esme Cullen comes in here twice a week and buys that much. I've heard rumors that Jacob eats enough for all of them."

"He does. Well, I'll talk to you later."

"Wait. We're having this party get together kind of thing. Do you want to come? It might do those kids some good."

"We'd love to. Thank you."

"No problem. Here's my number. And your's?"

"Here. We'll be there."

"Bye. It was nice meeting you."

"You, too." At least the whole town isn't insane. I made my way to the Church, but nobody was there so I decided I'd check it out later. Those children would be home soon, and I wanted to beat them back.

"We're home!"

"Oh, hi, Alice. You startled me."

"Sorry." She smiled and sat down. Sitting on the high stool she was still about three inches shorter than me.

"What do you need?"

"Nothing. You kept your make-up on!"

"Take it down a notch, Alice," Bella said, walking in. "Allie wants you."

"Tell her soon."

"What's soon?" I asked. They were probably planning something evil.

"Nothing," Bella said coolly. It was as if they had heard my conversation with Jan Newton and wanted to prove me wrong. "You know what, Alice?"

"Hm?"

"Emma Newton is such a stuck up tramp. How dare she call me stuck up?"

"How did you know she called you stuck up?"

"She called it to me in biology." She rolled her eyes. "Oh, Edward's playing!"

Now I'm certain they heard me. I followed the girls into the living room. That boy was excellent. I wished I played half as well as him. No, that was envy. I couldn't think like that.

"That's amazing!" Bella exclaimed, sitting down next to him.

"You sure you don't want to learn, love?" he asked, smiling at her.

"I'm sure. I'd just screw it up."

"No you wouldn't. If _she _can play, anyone can."

"How do you know I play?"

"Easy." He turned away from me.

"Where's everyone else?"

"Upstairs," Renesmee said, skipping down stairs with Jacob behind her. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because I'm in charge."

"No, I'm pretty sure I am."

"Renesmee Cullen!"

"What?"

"Don't what me." That girl was going to get it as soon as her father got home.

She put a hand on Jacob's cheek and he nodded.

"Does Bella know?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Allie told me to tell her if Alice didn't already."

"Tell her what? What did I miss?"

"You finally missed your brain?" Bella asked angelically.

"Isabella!"

"Bella."

"That was rude!" They were just trying to contradict me, and I'm pretty sure Allie was behind it. Suddenly something flew down the stairs.

"Caleb, I'm going to kill you!" Rosalie screamed. "That was my favorite mirror."

"You've got more, Blondie," Jacob yelled upstairs.

"How…? Do I even want to know how?" That thing was huge. How did Caleb throw it?

"Not really," Alice said, smirking.

Two of the boys tumbled down the stairs.

"Jasper, Caleb!" Allie yelled. "Emmett, break them up!"

"Why should I?"

"Because _I_ said to," Rosalie said.

"Fine. Come on, bros."

Jasper stood up and grinned. "Nice fight, bro."

"Back at you," Caleb said, grinning. "Hey, guys. Looks like you're having fun."

"It was amusing," Edward said. "Homework time?"

"Guess so."

"Who wants to play PS3?" Emmett asked. "I just got a new game!"

"Emmett, homework!"

"Oh shut up," Renesmee said, laughing. "You really can't tell us what to do."

"Yes I can, young lady."

"I wouldn't go there," Alice said, smirking. "You really don't want to."

"Yes I do! Renesmee Cullen, you're grounded."

"W-What?" She turned towards me, her face heartbreaking. "B-But what did I do?" Tears started falling down her cheeks. Her little angel face collapsing from the grin it had been seconds before.

"Oh Renesmee," I sighed. "You just go do your homework and you won't be grounded."

She grinned again. "Thanks."

"That's so not fair," Jacob complained.

"What just happened?" I asked, confused. I thought it would take hours to get Renesmee calmed down. Evil children. "Get your homework done!"

"If we feel like it," Alice said. "We've got Nessie on our side so we might not have to do it and we'll still get out of it!"

I saw Allie standing at the top of the stairs with an amused look on her face. She was the ringleader.

"Nope."

"What?"

"You think I'm to blame for all this. It's _so _obvious on your face."

I glared at her, causing Alice to bust out laughing.

"What?"

"She's not going to care if you ground her."

"How-"

"Because it's you."

"Young lady-"

"Here's my phone."

"How-"

"Because it's you. Jazz, let's go. I need to shop. Be back whenever."

"Alice Cullen!"

"Peace out," Jasper said, causing Emmett to laugh.

"Emmett!"

"I didn't think he'd actually say it!"

"Here," Caleb said, carrying some game station downstairs. I hadn't even notice he was gone. "Let's play!"

"What are you doing?"

"Going to play Wii," Edward said, sitting in front of the T.V. "Since you're so adverse to us playing PS3."

"What about-"

"Homework? Already done."

"Can I see it?"

"Please," Bella said, rolling her eyes, "like you could be smarter than us."

"Is-"

"Don't call me Isabella. It's Bella."

"Allie?" She didn't seem to be paying attention. "Allie?" I saw the problem. Earphones. I pulled them out and she glared at me murderously.

"What?"

"Would you like to help me with dinner?"

"No thank you."

That was the most civilized answer I had gotten out of her since I was here. "I want to talk to you."

She shrugged and pushed herself up. "Be back in a bit." She made sure she stopped and kissed Caleb before following me into the kitchen. "What?"

"What are your feelings about Esme leaving?" I had to figure out if there was something psychologically wrong with her.

"I miss her. Our family isn't whole without her." She shrugged and sat on the counter.

"Well, do you ever feel the need to hurt others?"

"No…."

"Does Rosalie?"

"Leave Rose out of this. Rose!"

Rose walked out. "Yeah, Allie?"

"She's calling you psycho."

"You b-jerk!"

"Rosalie!"

"Oh shut up. You hate us, we hate you! It's settled. Just let's make it through the next week and a half so you can get back to your boring life and we can get our mother back!"

I stared at her open mouthed. "Allie?"

"I agree with her."

"So do I," Bella said from the doorway. "They're right. We aren't compatible."

I took a deep breath. These are children. They weren't the bosses. "We are going to get along for the next week and a half. Next Friday we will go to a party at the Newtons-"

"NO!"

"Bella?"

"Not the Newtons. We don't get along, we never will. I hate M-Emma Newton, and she hates me."

"Bella," Edward mumbled, putting his arm around her. "It's going to be okay. That's what Nessie needed to tell you earlier."

"How did Allie know?" I asked.

"Because I did," she snapped, shaking Caleb's hand off. "Bella, we can go." She smirked.

"How?"

Allie put a hand on her arm, and Bella grinned. "Excellent."

"What?" Renesmee asked excitedly.

Edward whispered something in her ear and she started jumping up and down.

"We're home!" Alice yelled. "And we've got presents! Let's go. Oh, and the plan. I love it!"

"What plan?"

She glared at me before sitting in the center of a huge mountain of bags. "Let's see. Hm, this is Nessie's."

Renesmee looked into the bag and squealed. "Oh my god! I love it!"

"Rose."

Rosalie grinned. "Perfect."

That's how it went until she got to Bella.

"No way! I'm not wearing that!"

"You have to Bella," Alice said, pouting. "It's pretty, isn't it?"

"I guess," she grumbled reluctantly. "Let's go, Edward." She started dragging him towards the stairs but Alice stopped her.

"Here, this is Edward's."

"Are we supposed to wear these for you know what?" Jacob asked.

"Uh huh. Allie didn't tell you?"

"I was too busy getting called a psycho."

"She called you a psycho?"

"And Rose."

"And she's still alive?"

"Of course I am," I snapped. I really wanted to see what they had gotten. Probably more revealing clothes.

"They're not that revealing," Edward said, studying my face. It must have been really obvious. I sighed and stormed out into the kitchen to try to make dinner.

Rosalie POV:

I can't believe that stupid, pathetic little human had the nerve to call me psycho. I am NOT psycho. A little angry at times, sure, but who wouldn't be with the dog in the house. She'd better watch out or else.

"Kids, dinner."

Ugh, more human food.

"Rosalie!"

"I'm coming. Hold on." I glared at her and sat down. "Ew, this looks disgusting."

"Rosalie," Carlisle warned. I knew what he meant, I just really didn't care right now.

"Rosalie, can you please just try it?" _She _asked. She was forcing herself to be polite, but that didn't mean I had to.

"No. I refuse to."

"Rosalie, please?"

"It's NOT your week yet. That means I can do this," I shoved the plate across the table, causing it to fall to the floor and shatter. "and not get in trouble. Since it is our week still, you can't ground us. So Nessie, do whatever you please. Emmett, go get your video games. Caleb, Jasper, take the motorcycles out for awhile. Come back at like midnight or something. Alice, Allie, go shopping. Bella, watch Romeo and Juliet a hundred times tonight. Edward, go play your music nonstop for awhile. Mutt, go play with Emmett. I'm going shopping, too. Carlisle, bye." I stood up, very please with myself. "Oh, and don't tell me how to dress. Even next week." I smiled coolly and walked out of the dining room.

"YES! My girlfriend is a genius," Emmett screamed. "Thanks, babe. Love you."

"Love you, too, Em. Are we going or not?"

"Seriously, that was the best idea ever, Rose," Bella said, grinning. "She's probably not going to appreciate my movie, is she?"

"Nope. That's not my problem."

Allie grinned hugely. I never saw her this happy before. "This week, we rule. Next week, we take her down. Big time."

Alice laughed. "Oh, that's going to be fun."

We spent the rest of the night shopping. I was in a really bad mood, but this helped some. Planning what I was going to do next week was even better. Maybe Emmett should get his family game night back.

"This week," Allie said. "Next week we'll have rules to sabotage. Trust me, I've seen them."

"NO!"

"What's wrong, Alice?"

"She's starting to plan them. A lot are concrete. No…more…shopping!"

"Then we should get our fill of it now. Carlisle won't care how much we spend."

"I know. NO! NOT THAT DRESS!"

"That little…. She's going to sell our clothes and give the money to the church."

"Seriously?"

Allie nodded and Alice sobbed.

"Rose?"

"Yes?"

"She's selling your new shoes."

"WHAT? SHE'S GOING TO GET IT!"

"Ladies," a nervous salesperson said. "Can you please le-take a look at our new line of clothes?"

"Gladly," Allie said. "Lead the way." Gotta love that girl.

"Where's Darlene?" I asked, looking around the living room. Emmett and Jacob's eyes were glued to the screen. Nessie was in Jacob's lap, probably because she knew Darlene would throw a fit.

"Upstairs," Nessie said. "She's hiding out until Saturday."

I laughed. "She has to follow Esme's routine, though."

"Uh oh," Jasper said, walking in, "Rose hasn't been this enraged since Emmett decided to take that poetry class and talked in rhymes to her all week."

I remembered that. It nearly drove me crazy to listen to Emmett try to find a rhyme for orange. For a genius vampire, he could sure be an idiot.

"Darlene's coming," Edward said. "Caleb?"

"Yeah?"

"Allie, tell him."

She took his hand and he grinned hugely.

"What?" The mutt asked impatiently.

"Sh, Jake," Bella said. "Here she comes."

"Yeah, traitor," Allie snapped. "Just watch."

"Traitor?"

"You heard me!"

"Oh yeah? You're a-"

"A what, Mutt?"

"Can you children stop fighting?" Darlene asked.

"Maybe next week!"

"If your lucky," Bella added.

"You children are going to be very sorry next week." As soon as she past the vase on the table it fell to the floor, curtsy of Caleb probably.

"Ooh, I'm telling that you broke the vase!" Emmett yelled.

"I didn't even touch it!"

"Yeah you did. I saw you. Your big butt knocked it down!"

"Jeez," the mutt said, "why'd you do that?"

"I…I'll clean it up." She seemed angry, but at least she was doing something. "Where are you children going?"

"To get the bags," Jasper said. "You had three girls in bad moods at a mall, there's going to be a lot."

"Oh, there are," Alice assure him. "Now go. Just put them in my room for now. Our closets were getting empty."

"Empty?"

"Sh," Nessie said. "I want to see what she got me!"

Darlene was getting mad, I could easily see that. I don't think that purplish shade was very healthy.

"You okay?" I asked sweetly. I touched her arm.

She jerked it back. "Your hands are freezing!"

"So? You're living in my house and I don't complain."

"Yes you do."

"At least I don't make people cry. You keep making poor Emmett cry. And Nessie, too."

"What?" I loved it when humans got confused.

"Never mind. So, how's your night going?"

"You now very well how it's going. Bella kept watching that horrible movie. Emmett and Jacob repeatedly used God's name in vain. Edward had some awful music blaring from upstairs. How does your mother deal with you?"

I glared at her. "That was the rudest thing I've ever heard. If you excuse me, it's almost 10:00-"

"The mall closes at 9:00, doesn't it?"

"And it took us an hour to get back. Remember, our week still. Tomorrow we will get ourselves up. We won't eat breakfast because we don't want to. We will leave for school by ourselves. We will come home when we fell like it. We will do our homework only if we feel like it. We will then do what we want for the rest of the night and eat your disgusting food only if we want to. Mutt, one comment from you and I swear you will so be sleeping outside for the next decade."

"Why me?"

"Because you helped her Monday. I'm surprised Caleb didn't rip your arms off." I wasn't the one who would be likely to almost expose us, but we needed to be as violent as possible.

"Oh go to hell, Blondie."

Finally, the mutt did something smart. "Why don't you, mutt?"

He seemed reluctant to fight with me until Nessie showed him what to do. "Best response you got? No wonder, you're blonde!"

"Nessie, aren't dogs supposed to bee on leashes?"

"Hey, Blondie, heard this one yet? Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says 'Darn, I can't get in the car!' The other blond replies, 'Keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down.'"

He finally got a new one. "Down, boy. Esme's going to have a fit if the you're on the furniture."

"Did you hear the one about the blonde who had a bumper sticker that said, 'All blondes aren't dumb?' No one could read it because it was hung upside-down."

"Nessie, your boyfriend's in a bad mood. He probably has fleas."

"ENOUGH CHILDREN! Get to bed!"

"I'd like to see you make us."

She glared at me. "Go to bed now."

"Please, you think that scares me?" I stretched out on the couch.

"Feet off the furniture."

"Whatever." I heard shouting outside and knew the boys had gotten into another 'fight.'

"Boys, what's going on?" Darlene asked, running outside without her jacket. Big mistake. A sharp wind blew, shaking the trees and making Darlene shiver.

"Hundred bucks on Emmett," Jasper said.

"Nah, Edward's handling himself pretty well," Caleb said. "You're on."

"Boys! Stop fighting this instant!"

"Sh. It's getting good," Jasper said. "Ooh, Em, you going to take that?"

"Come on, Edward, you're going to cost me a hundred bucks if you don't do something!"

"Boys!" She had to shout to be heard above the wind.

"What?" Caleb asked, not taking his eyes off the other two.

"Jake, go help them," Bella said.

The mutt hurried over. "Two hundred bucks says I can take either of them."

"Oh you're on," Emmett said, trying to get out from Edward's pin. Both of them were covered in mud.

"I win," Edward said. "Jacob, you're next. Let's go."

"You owe me a hundred bucks," Caleb said, looking at Jasper expectantly.

"Here."

"Fighting AND gambling?" Darlene exclaimed. "You boys are in so much trouble when I tell your father."

"He's not going to do anything," Edward said, wiping his hands off on his pants.

Emmett headed into the house.

"NO! Emmett, don't sit down!"

"Too late," Alice said. Emmett had already sat on the white loveseat.

"EMMETT!"

"What?"

"You're ALL MUDDY and you decided to sit on WHITE furniture?"

"So…?"

"So you're in HUGE trouble."

"With who?"

"ME!"

"Oh, yeah, now you have to clean this."

"You're cleaning it."

"But if I make a mess any other time Esme cleans it."

"It's still our week," I reminded her. "You have to follow Esme's schedule. And since Esme cleans up our messes, you have to clean up our messes." I smiled sweetly. "Would you like me to show you where Esme keeps the cleaning supplies?"

"No. I'll find them myself. All of you, just please do something and stay out of the way."

"Sure," Caleb said, plopping down on the couch and turning on the T.V. "Is this okay?"

"No!"

"I'm not on the dirty one."

"Can you go do something upstairs?"

"Maybe later."

"Caleb!"

"Darlene!"

"Young man, get upstairs this instant."

"Old lady, shut the hell up this instant."

She glared at him.

"Come on, Caleb," Allie said. "Let's get out of here." She pulled him upstairs, and the rest of us followed.

Darlene POV

Oh, those children are in for it next week. Every single on of them. But right now I have to clean the couch.

I heard shouting from upstairs, but chose to ignore it. For some reason I had a feeling that's what Esme would do. That woman better not be corrupting my children. No, they had God watching over them, they would be safe.

Only two more days of this, then I would have my reign.

* * *

**Okay, so any suggestions you have or POV's you want to see, just tell me and I'll work them in.**


	10. Repetative

Michael POV

This week had gone by okay. It was Wednesday and my kids were happy. I started to make breakfast for the kids and Esme.

"Daddy!" Abby yelled, running into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Abby. Math Club today, don't forget."

She made a face. "I won't. Why can't I audition for the play?"

"Your mother said so," I sighed.

"But auditions are Monday, and that'll be Esme's rules. Do you think she'll let me?"

"Maybe, sweetie. Where are Esme and your brother?"

"He's trying to talk her into letting him skip Math Club and try out for the football team. The coach really wants him."

I sighed. The coach had been calling nonstop since Nick's first day of freshman year. Next week they would both get what they wanted. "He has to go today. And to the youth group tomorrow and Friday."

She sighed. "Can't wait till we can quit." She sat down just as Nick and Esme came into the kitchen.

"Sorry, Nick, but it's still the week for your mother's rules," Esme said.

"I know, Esme, it's okay. Counting down the days until it's over. Can you drop me off early this morning? I have to work with Alyssa on our science project, and this is the only time the teacher said he's free in the lab."

"Of course. Abby, I'm coming back to your school today."

"Yay! All of my friends loved you! They said you were so nice."

"I'll be there after I get done at the church." She didn't look to happy about that one.

"You don't enjoy the work at the church?" I asked, sliding the plate of bacon on the table.

"It's not the work that bothers me, it's the other women."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I think they disapprove of the way I raise my family."

Her family sounded like it got along just fine. Ten kids with perfect grades that respected her and her husband. Who cares if they dated each other and fought? "Well, it sounds like your doing a fine job."

She smiled at me. "Thank you, Michael. You're children are incredibly polite…and neat. I wish my kids could keep my house this clean."

I laughed. "You've got ten teenagers, I surprised you can even keep food in the house with five boys."

"It can get hard at times," she admitted, grinning. "But I wouldn't have them any other way. You kids ready to go to school?"

"Yeah," Abby said, grabbing her lunch off the counter. "Bye, Daddy."

"Bye. See you after school. Be good."

"Okay." She hurried out to the car.

"Have a good day, guys."

"Thanks," Esme said, following Nick out the door. "You, too."

I nodded and started washing the dishes. Today I was meeting with my lawyer to discuss some things. I wasn't about to give up my kids. Darlene would take it hard, but it was the only way things could work out.

Esme POV

"Here you are, Nick."

"Thanks, Esme." He started to get out. "Don't forget, I'll be out late because of _Math Club._" He shook his head in disgust..

"I won't forget. Abby, what time do you get out?"

"Uh, 4:00."

"Nick?"

"4:30. Have a good day."

"You, too."

"Like that's possible," he muttered, low enough so human ears wouldn't detect it.

"So, Abby, ready for school?"

She shrugged indifferently. "I guess. What's for dinner tonight?"

"I'm not sure yet. I should probably shop tomorrow, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah. Mother's usually really busy today."

I walked her to her classroom then headed to the church. This wasn't going to be a good day.

"Hello, Esme," Anna said. "Today we have to help with the weekly bulletins."

"Oh, okay. All I do is put a paper in each booklet?" I could have this done in ten seconds if it wasn't for the humans and camera.

"That's about it."

"How was your day so far?" Kathy asked.

"Oh, fine. I dropped the kids off at school. After here I'm headed back to Abigail's school."

"How's Nicholas doing?"

"He's fine. He had a project to work on so he went in early."

"The science project? My son told me it was really hard."

"He didn't explain it exactly to me. All he told me was he had to go in early to work on it."

"You didn't ask him?" Tina asked, looking shocked.

"No. Should I have?"

"Yes. Don't you ask your kids what they have to do?" Kathy asked.

"No, not really. If they don't tell me by themselves I figure I'm better off not knowing."

"Really?"

"Well, there aren't many secrets in my house anyway." With all my gifted kids, there wasn't much anybody didn't know.

"So all your children turn each other in?" Anna asked. She seemed a little happier about that.

"Every chance they get. Jacob turns in Rosalie. Rosalie turns in Jacob. Edward turns in Emmett. They're all mature, though, so there's not much that goes wrong."

"Hm…."

"What about your children? Are you always in their business?"

"Yes. I find that it's easier to know before it's too late than to find out when they're in jail."

"My kids have never been to jail." The cops didn't know enough to catch their illegal behavior.

"Well, with all the secrets…."

"Don't judge my children. They're all good enough kids." One more day of this. I kept repeating that to myself the whole time. Quitting was going to be the first rule change. "What are your children into?"

"Oh, my son plays baseball and my daughter's in choir."

"How nice. Does Darlene let her children do anything they want to do?"

"It's for their own safety," Kathy explained. "I hear Nicholas has a crush on Alyssa. That's not good."

It was more than a crush. "Why?"

"Because they're too young."

"They're fifteen."

"They shouldn't date until they're preparing to get married."

"When's that?"

"Twenty-five."

"Really? And your son is fifteen?"

"Sixteen. He understands."

I wonder how many of their kids were sneaking around behind their backs. "Oh, of course. My kids know the limits." They weren't allowed to do anything this week.

"Interesting. Where are the seniors planning on going to college?"

"They're think Dartmouth, Harvard, something along those lines."

"They've been accepted?"

"We're waiting for the letters. It's not really a problem for them."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Oh, look at the time. I'd really better get going. I have to be at Abigail's school soon."

"Oh, it was nice having you, Esme."

"It was nice being here," I lied. I walked out at a quick human pace. I had just noticed that everyday this week had been overcast. I had forgotten to ask Alice about the weather.

"Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Cullen," Abby's teacher, Ms. Finn, greeted me. "We're just getting ready to walk over to the library." The library was in a different building, so they needed a parent to help get all the kids there.

"Okay. Good afternoon, kids."

"Hi!" a chorus of voices greeted me.

"Esme!" Abby said, getting in line. "I need to find a book about a president. Everybody does."

"Okay, I can help with that. I know all of the presidents."

"Really?" a boy asked. "Can you say them all?"

I smiled and said them.

"Is that right?" he asked his teacher.

"Yes. Maybe we should work on doing that. How many are there?"

"Forty-four!"

"Yes!" She continued to quiz them on the way to the library. "Now you have to use your indoor voices. Go ahead."

"Esme, I need your help," Abby said. "Can you help me find a president?"

"Of course. Which one do you want to do?"

"The children have taken to you so well," Ms. Finn said, walking over. "How many kids do you have?"

"Ten."

"Really?"

"Yes. They're a handful."

"How old are they?"

"They're all between sixteen and eighteen."

"All teenagers? Wow. Are they all yours or….?"

"They're all adopted."

"Really?"

"Yes. Rosalie and Jasper are my husband's niece and nephew. Bella, Emmett, and Allie are my nieces and nephew. They're parents passed away."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Thank you. Then we adopted Edward and Renesmee, Jacob, Alice, and Caleb."

"Wow, that's a lot. What does your husband do?"

"He's a doctor for the local hospital."

She nodded. "That all must take a lot of time."

"It does, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

The second part of my afternoon went a lot smoother than the first. Even for a vampire the time went fast, and soon I was headed back to pick Abby and Nick up.

"Hi!" Abby said, jumping in the car. "Math Club was boring. Everyone's a geek."

"But are they nice?" I asked.

"Sort of. The girl who sits next to me is nice. I like my friends from class better. That girl's a fourth grader."

I nodded. Maybe next week I could plan something for her and her friends. Nick, too. He deserved some time as a normal teenager.

"Hey," Nick said, getting into the car and smiling.

"Good day?" I asked.

"Awesome day."

"Really? What's up?"

"We were playing football in gym, and the girls started acting like cheerleaders for us." He grinned. "I was quarterback and it was so great. Ran the last play in for a touchdown."

"That's wonderful."

"Uh…thanks."

"Isn't that good?"

"Yeah, but my mother never comments like that."

"Never?"

"No."

That was definitely going to change. "How was the rest of your day?"

"Uh, okay. I got extra points for knowing so much about the Civil War. Thanks for teaching me."

"Your welcome. Do you guys have any homework?"

"A quiz tomorrow in history, and a paper due Friday in English, and a worksheet in geometry. Not too much."

"I have to finish reading the story in reading," Abby said. "And I have to read that book about the president. We're doing a project on them. It's fun. Esme, I need you to look something up for me in the encyclopedia when we get home."

"Okay. What do you guys want for dinner?"

"Doesn't matter," Nick said. "I have to go get started on homework. Oh, and I have to write out the notes for mine and Alyssa's project. It won't take long."

"Okay. I'll start whenever you guys are done. Your dad gets home around 5:30, right?"

"Yeah. Start whenever." He jogged upstairs.

"He seems to be in a good mood," I said, helping Abby with her homework.

She nodded. "He's happy that this week is half over. Woops." She glanced at the cameras. "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone or Mother would get mad."

"Oh?"

"Uh huh. When's dinner?"

"I'll start it right now. So, youth group tomorrow, huh?" I wanted to see exactly what she thought about that.

"Yeah," she sighed, putting her books away.

"You don't like it?"

"It's okay." She shrugged. "I'm going to go read. Can you call me when dinner's done?"

"Sure."

The rest of the night was repetitious. I had a feeling the rest of the week would be the same.


End file.
